‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
…except Missus Clowse
“Get up you old fat man!”
“You’ve a job to do!”
“Gifts don’t wrap themselves!”
“So stop hitting ‘Snooze’!”
And from that point on
This old Santa could tell
That this one year’s Christmas
Was gonna be Hell
It started with laughing
A “Ho Ho!”, you see
But even Saint Nick
Can’t shake destiny
For ‘aft his Miss nagging
He checked on his elves
Noticing, sadly
Toys still sat on shelves
“What’s wrong with you elflings?”
This shocked Santa did say
“My good list is waiting”
“To have presents and play!”
“Why is my sleigh barren?”
“Why isn’t it full?”
The head elf then hiccuped
Shrugged “‘nogs out, make full?”
“What tha -!” Sant bellowed
“Are you telling me”
“That it’s time for riding”
“And my elves, drinking?!”
Disappointed, he looked down
His head simply shook
“I guess it’s on me, then”
‘Sponsibility, he took
Yes, right then and there
He decided to fight
So he could deliver
Each gift on that night
After a long while
When all gifts were near
He looked at his sleigh
Said “where’s my reindeer?”
He looked and he shouted
“Hey, Comet and Cupid!”
“Where are you dumb deer?!”
“Get over here, stupid!”
He waited a moment
And then, sure enough
His reindeer, complaining
Said “this job’s too tough”
His eyes were just rolling
As he stood there, alone
A light bulb then went off
He gave Rudolph a bone
Then, all ‘a sudden
They lined as a group
For they knew ‘twas his nose
That led their whole troupe
But yep, you all guessed it
The moment was foiled
For his red nose engine
Had not been nose oiled
“You’re kidding me”
Our Santa exclaimed
“Alright Dasher, Dancer”
“I guess you take the reins”
At last, he was airborne
But it didn’t take too long
For Dasher and Dancer
To lose tune with their song
A gift was delivered
To a child, somehow
Who’s list read “a puppy”
Who then got…a cow
Riding ‘way after
Klaus yelled, with inflection
“Come on you dumb deer!”
“Can’t you follow direction?!”
“Dasher and Dancer”
“And Donner and Blitzen!”
“Stop snapping your selfies”
“Just shut up and LISTEN!”
Saint Nick went unheard
Two thousand ‘twent one
It was this here Christmas
That did fat man undone
How the World Should Work 