Feelings

New to me, these feelings are

I thought these thoughts all dwelled afar

For years they have alluded me

Now here, tonight, my soul’s set free

Comparison: the theif of joy

I’ve longed for this since just a boy

I’ve watched, observed, the ones who love

And always wished I’d rise above

Such reservations I have had

Since yesteryear and just a lad

Now here, tonight, under these stars

It feels like this whole world is ours

And as we dance under moonlight

Those eyes of yours, they shine so bright

Such luck it was that I found you

Let’s live this life, as we’re meant to

The Truth

Never have I ever wondered what things lay in front of me, the futures not a question, I know exactly what’s in store for me. I don’t live for today, I live for forever; looking ahead with a clever grip on the trip that I’m about to take with whoever has the ability to sever the ties with the lies that they live while we endeavor to become whoever the fuck we wanna be. And whichever lever we decide to pull is a a tool that we can use to spool and weave whatever reality we want to achieve because this world is ours to perceive. We can talk real or deceive, either way you’ll believe what we create and conceive ‘cause the passion we grieve is sewn so deep in our sleeve that while we want to relieve we just inform the naive that we don’t want a reprieve we’re just soldiers away without leave.

That’s right, we’re AWOL.

AWOL like the kindred spirits we enthrall as we relate to the masquerade ball that we call life where all we do is don a shawl so we can hide behind the wide hall of sins we commit. We try to stand tall and paint over the writing on the wall that unapologetically tells the real story, breaking protocol as it tells the truth we only see when we look in the mirror and ask ourselves “is this me?”

The real you is the one you see when you’re all alone, so don’t lie to yourself and think you’re the person everyone else thinks you are.

I may have turned my back on Him, but as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. That’s right, I might feel abandoned by God but that don’t mean I can’t live my life based on a Proverb that reverberates through me, one you’ll find in Chapter twenty three. And as I fall onto my knees, begging for my mind’s release as it slowly capsizes

in these treacherous seas, I can’t help but ask why this has happened to me. Why have I been plagued by a mind that’s so inclined to constantly remind itself how unaligned it is with the rest of the world. The torment I find in this unconfined, sadly maligned existence does nothing but blind me from the things I so passionately grind for.

My drive is relentless. I don’t care if you think I’m arrogant. I’m real, and I believe that I can do anything I put my mind to. And you know what? You should feel the same, because this life is what you make it.

People will always, always rise to the level they believe they can, and no further. No human is better or more capable than the other. It is a simple question of how much faith one has in themselves.

It’s so simple. You feel your limit on the inside, which is precisely why you’ve tried as hard as you have to get wherever you are. But the ones who know no limits, who know that every great person in history started as no one are the ones who rise to the top. Do you want to know why? Because they don’t stop, ever. They never quit, and forever apply themselves until they sever the ties from their old life and welcome themselves to their new whatever.

Excuses are for the weak. And if that stirs frustration within you, then you have proven my point.

Life is a constant examination of priority. There is no authority dictating our behavior other than our own; and whatever desires take up the majority of our thoughts, we act upon. And yet we still try to complicate things when we act in hate, attempting to justify our behavior so we can lift the weight of guilt we should feel when we aggravate others. We do this so we can advocate how virtuous we are, when the truth is we simply can’t admit that selfishness is our defining trait, lying to ourselves so we can close the gate of self-awareness as we misstate the kind of person we truly are, caught by the same hook that we always bait.

I envy those who can clear their conscience at the flick of a switch.

Sadly, as I write this I know that some will condemn this statement as a cynical rant that I just had to vent, when the truth is that they’re just projecting their own malcontent as a result of the subconscious recognition that the truth hurts.

Therein lies the irony.

The irony that those who misunderstand me are the very ones who need to examine the person they imagine they are. The ones who think this was written by someone who thinks they’re above them.

I don’t.

No one is above anyone. Every human is graced with the same potential as others.

The only difference is how you use that potential.

The Tiki Torches: 3

“Alright, everyone. This evening we have an excellent opportunity to show these people just what we mean. We’ve tolerated centuries of oppression, decades of condescension, and countless years of bigotry! I say unto you all, stand up for your rights! Stand up for your freedoms! Stand up for the God Given, inherent capabilities of existing as a human being!”

Hurrah!!

Standing tall in front of a melting pot of human beings, the mayor of the city of Perth gives an emboldened speech at the municipalitie’s town hall meeting. As a champion of all races and creeds, he has garnered the support of pretty much the entire town. Except, of course, a small minority of closed minded bigots who refuse to adapt to change.

“We will stand strong with our brothers and sisters, no matter the cost!” The mayor shouts from his podium inside the town halll. “This is but a small town, but we are a united town!” He adds, a finger shaking in the air to reiterate his point.

“We will not allow a small contingent of oppressors to light up the evening! We will stamp out the flames of injustice!” Hurrah! “We shall stop them in their tracks!” Hurrah! “We shall meet them on the battlefield of intellectual opposition, and let none leave without exposure to our light!” HURRAH!!!!

As the mayor lets the crowd’s energy die down, he holds out his arms.

“My friends.” He says. “Let us begin preparations. It’s been reported that there has been a spike in Tiki Torch sales at the Wal-Smart across town. Let’s show them that these torches shall not have been bought in vain! We shall show them the error of their ways.”

Hurrahhhh!!!!!!

Slowly walking off his town hall stage, the mayor finally takes a moment to catch his breath.

“Great speech, sir!” One of his constituents says.

“Yeah. It was. But it was just that. A speech.” The mayor snaps back, obviously caught up in thinking about something else.

“But sir, you moved the entire town! That surely must count for something.” The constitutant says.

“Yes. They’re motivated. And for that I am grateful. But there is so much else left to do.” The mayor says.

“Come, we must prepare for the Torches.” He adds with a sly wink, clearly indicating that he has something in store for the folks riding his way.

Become

Frustrating, it is

To retreat to the hole

As you narrowly focus

On your one, divine goal

A life you desire

Yet you know you can’t grasp

As attentions diverted 

The white fence, it won’t last

And how hard can it be

When to God, you enlist 

When you tormentingly believe 

That He might not exist

My mission is clear

It’s the path, I await

This life, I’ve committed

No regard to my fate

For greatness, inside

It lies in us all

If only you find it

Your one, dying call

For Better or Worse (Ch 7) 

“Ho hum ho hum deedeedee!”

Joyfully skipping around her bedroom, the little girl is singing and humming to herself as her furry pigtails bounce around behind her. 

“Now, what are my teenie-weenies up to today?” She asks, skipping over to the terrarium.

As she peers inside, she sees that her little creatures have erected an enormous statue of her. Chiseled to perfection, the monolith displays her every feature, dimpled smile and all. 

“Wow! Well look at that!” She squeals in delight. “How did you guys do that without me noticing?!”

Leaning back to admire the sculpture, she beams at the tiny inhabitants inside, who appear to be bowing before her.

“You guys are just so adorable. Thank you for my statue!” She says to them.

Entering her room, the girl’s father approaches the tank as he puts his hand on her head. 

“Time for bed, sweetie.”

Noticing the statue, he chuckles.

“And what have we here?” He asks.

“My teenie-weenies built me a monument, Daddy! Look!” The little girl says, pointing to the newly erected obelisk.

“Very impressive!” Her father laughs. “You are clearly a generous God. Now come, let’s get you tucked in.”

“Okay Daddy.” The girl says as her father lifts her up, placing her under the sheets. Kissing her on the forehead, smiles at her before walking out the door.

“I love you, kiddo.” He says. 

“Love you too Daddy.” The girl replies, yawning as she softly falls asleep.

For Better or Worse (Ch 2)

“Rise and shine, everyone!”

Quickly pulling away the large veil covering the girl’s terrarium, she excitedly greets the occupants inside.  

 “I bet you guys are hungry, aren’t you?” She asks matter-of-factly. Walking to the small closet in the corner of her room, she grabs a packet of food and a pale of water.

“And it looks like your lake is almost all dried up! You guys must be thirsty!” The girl exclaims, ripping open the food packet as she pulls back the small square door at the top the glass dome. 

Holding the packet over the center of the little community of creatures, the girl shakes it until all the tiny morsels of food have fallen out. Watching her pets scramble toward the newly dropped food, she smiles as she pours water into the side of the dome where a pond-like crevice has been dug.

“Drink up, teenie weenies!” She cheerfully says, closing the lid.

As she places the water pale back in the closet, she notices that one of the tiny creatures is laying underneath a group of mini tree-like plants, not moving. 

“Oh no!” She cries. “Not again!”

Placing her hands on the glass to lean over the dome, she looks down at the recently deceased pet.

“I told you all to stop fighting!” She tersely shouts. “Why can’t you just get along?”

Returning to the closet, the girl reaches in and grabs a long, skinny pole with a tong on the end. Re-opening the glass lid, she nabs the dead creature and chucks it outside her open window onto the lawn below. 

“If I find out which one of you keeps doing this, you’re gonna be in big trouble!” She asserts, holding the tong up. “Now ya’ll behave while I’m gone!” 

Closing the lid once more, she puts the tong back in the closet, exiting the room to spend the day outside. 

Mr. Baxter

Focus forward, 

On this page

My mind and screen are blurred

I need to pick 

The text that’s next

Perfection, every word 

Alas! Oh yes,

This word is best

It strikes the perfect chord

But wait! I’ll tell

Dude, what the Hell? 

You’re on my damn keyboard!

For real, my man

‘Twas funny, yeah

When first your paws would type

But now it’s old 

My books have sold

It’s just a cause to gripe

So please, my dude

Stop being rude 

Don’t walk across me now

Cause what I type

Creates the hype 

That buys your puppy chow

Ms. Scribbler

Hello my friend!

Please lend an ear

A tale have I

For you to hear

Once upon

A timely time

A maiden lived

Who loved to rhyme

She’d sit outside

As sun shined bright

Observe the world

And write and write

Her rhymes were filled

With love and fear

And all the things

From there to here

And so it was

For years and years

This scribbling damsel

Laughs and tears

Until one day

There came about

A trav’ling minstrel

Passed her house

Pinned outside

As he passed along

A wondrous rhyme

So fit for song

And so the man

He went inside

Said “Please Miss Scribbler,

Become my bride”

The two were wed

Grand lives they had

The moral here

Is clear, dear lad

Love will come

The wait, while long

You’ll find the words

That fit your song

Vengeance 

Your sticks and your stones

May break all my bones 

But these acts, I swear you’ll regret

For time heals us all

It builds a stone wall

And this, we shall not forget

You came here to slay 

To take mine away

All that, which we hold close and dear

Yet here, I still stand

Bloodstained, on my land

And wait, as your armies draw near

I clean my steel sword 

Serving these lands as Lord

My honor, it’s all that I am

Till death shall I fight

All through this dark night

For my muse, for my love, for my lamb

And as you draw back

This feeble attack

Remember, we started as friend

And know, upon death 

As you draw your last breath

Your family name, it shall end.

 

The Con of Cons

To give a little context, below is a reflection of my experience (as a volunteer) at the first Game of Thrones conference ever held. Working the Con provided a pretty good view of how things went administratively. I daresay the vast majority of the weekend was a massive success, but there was (understandably) a slight hiccup here and there. You know, little stuff that’s an inevitable part of any big event like this.

Without further adieu – fonas chek, everyone!

 

THE CON OF CONS

Alrighty my friends

Just a sec, listen up

The sad end has arrived

So let’s all raise a cup

And bid fond farewell

I hope you all will agree

To meet up next year

For Freefolk, are we

So many great friends

It seems we’ve all made

Which means Con number two

Will put this one to shame

Much more stuff can we plan

Since we all made a mate

Epic fun is in store

So be sure to hydrate

And before I forget

As a Con volunteer

All the suggestions ya’ll made

Will help planning next year

Rest assured, worry not

All the kinks will be gone

This year taught one thing:

How to properly Con

And one other thing

If Valyrian pass, did you claim

Sincere apologies, accept

If you thought it was lame

But fear not, VIPs

For next year you shall see

That the perks you’ll enjoy

Will be worth all its fee

Your photos shall print fast

All in focus – not a glitch

But for real, jokes aside

Working photos…was a bitch

Now let’s all look ahead

At two thousand eighteen

And as friends, all await

Until we next reconvene

 
On a serious note – I can’t describe how grateful I am to have met you guys. This weekend was the most fun I’ve had in quite some time. This was also my first Con, so thank you all for making it such an unforgettable one! Next year can’t get here soon enough!!

Love you guys!

Matt
Oh, and while I’m here: if you’d enjoy more of teh rhymez, here’s a link to one that was my favorite to scribble.

https://howtheworldshouldwork.com/2016/12/16/an-ode-to-the-alphabet/

The Revolt Returns: 8

“Hey, what was the name of that new girl again? You know, the brown haired Lenghornian with the exquisite…personality?”

Back in Spam’s newly reconstructed Tower of Management, Will the Wolf ponders the assets of a Lenghornian newcomer with Chilian manservent, Quesadilla.

“I know not, my Lord.” Quesadilla replies. “I am but a lowly Chilian. Our ribs and terrible 2 for 1 specials in those tiny mugs pale in comparison to you Lenghornians. You know I am not savvy to such information. I am nothing if not a loyal subject of my dear, sexy Spam.”

“Ah, valid point, peasant.” Will says. “Perhaps I shall raid their pathetic village and take her for my own. Show her how a real wolf gets down,” he growls with a creepy glint in his eye.

Suddenly, a female voice echos from an adjacent chamber.

“I would find that most unwise, my hairy lover.”

Waltzing out of the nearby walkway, a majestically sexy fox with an inexplicable aura of sophistication joins the pair.

“Assuming, of course, you intend to keep that wonderful wolf manhood of yours attached to your body,” she adds with a wink.

“My love! You know I jest,” Will the Wolf says with a subtle adjustment of his woolly pants, effortlessly concealing his embarrassing blood flow as his gaze glides up and down Celeste the Sultry’s painfully attractive body.

“That’s what I thought,” she says with a smirk and a peck on his wolfly cheek. “Alas, where is our leader? Surely its time to finalize our plans for the assault on the Lenghornian village.”

Interjecting, Quesadilla angrily answers her query.

“Our beloved leader is seeing to her commitments in the North, fox,” he says with an annoyed glance toward Celeste.

As a dedicated Chilian, Quesadilla is fiercely loyal to none but his offensively nasty restaurant. Spam, being the conniving woman she is, wooed the slave and his compatriots through an ingeniously crafted plan to gain Chilian support. Simply put – she informed their corporate management to take the beef bacon ranch quesadilla off of their already disgusting menu. After her suggestion led to quadrupled profits, the Chilian constituents fell right into her perfectly placed trap. As intended, her army swelled and she inherited the mindless servant that is Quesadilla.

“When does she intend to return?” Will the Wolf asks, smoothly deflecting the obvious resentment Quesadilla had directed toward his foxy lover.

“Our liege is scheduled to grace us with her return on the ‘morrow,” the manservant sneers. “Now, you must excuse me. I am required for other, more pressing obligations. Since she has graciously deemed me worthy of such responsibilities,” he adds as a not-so-subtle slight toward Celeste.

Exiting the chamber, Quesadilla hobbles toward whatever tasks he undoubtedly had just made up. Left alone, Celeste grins as she hops into her lover’s hairy arms.

Turning her head toward the sky, she smirks.

“Its time to end this chapter, I think,” she creepily says to me. “I know you didn’t really develop the plot in any meaningful way here, but I’m seriously jonesing for this guy’s…service,” she says with a soft laugh and nod toward the wolf of her dreams.

Wondering how the hell a fantasy character became aware of its omniscient Godly creator, the author types the last few characters of his entry, closing the cover to his laptop with a confused, blank stare on his face.

The Revolt Returns: 6

“Quesadilla! Why is there no salt on my swine?!”

Far to the East, the realm’s new manager Spam shouts at her brainless Chilian manservant. Despite her managerial commitment to Lenghorn, she has diabolically crafted an alter-ego which, in her spare time, she utilizes to control the activities of the Lenghornian’s rivals.

“Apologies, my liege,” the Chilian manservant says, tilting a salt shaker above the steaming boar’s head which Spam is ironically about to consume. Ironically, of course, because pork is in fact an ingredient of actual spam. 

“Hmmph. That is quite enough.” Spam asserts with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Off you go.”

Sneering at his salty contribution to his masters meal, Quesadilla slowly waddles his way out of the massive dining hall, leaving Spam to her own devices.

Mmmm grumble chew chomp pghlegm swallow

Having her fill with the remainder of the swine, Spam stands up and waltzes to the tower’s open balcony, looking out on the lands below. 

Ha! These stupid Lenghornians shall never know what hit them. She thinks to herself, creepily rubbing her hands together. They think they’re the only restaurant in town? Please. My Chilians will make mince meat of these weaklings.

Spam’s rise to power was no accident. After having Netflixed and chilled on many occasions, she has heard the Star Wars plot line play out on far too many occasions. She now knows all too well how Senator Palpatine disguised himself as the leader of the Republic, yet simultaneously led the Empire in the shadows as Darth Sidious, unbeknownst to all. She intends to use the very same tactics against the Lenghornians, cultivating a massive army within the Chilian empire to overtake the pathetic Lenghornian villagers. 

They’ll never know what hit them. 

Suddenly, a deep voice bellows from within the Tower stairwell.

“Spam! Our army is nearing completion. The Lenghornians shall all die!” The voice  shouts.

Swiveling to face the stairwell, Spam holds her hand out, beckoning the voice to present itself.

“Show yourself, General! You know I detest that which I cannot see!”

“Yes, my liege.” The deep voice says as a clicking sound manifests in the stairwell. Seconds later, a jacked hairy werewolf emerges, ducking under the stone doorway leading into Spam’s chamber.

“Ah, there you are.” Spam says, attempting to discern whether he should button one more button on his shirt or if she actually likes the small amount of chest hair that is revealed. 

“Tell me more of my army!” She demands.

“Yes, my liege.” Will the Wolf says. “The Chilians are coming along splendidly. They are as brainless and obedient as the Lenghornian cooks! Muahahaha!” He cackles. 

“Excellent.” Spam says as she adjusts the Lenghornian floor plan into a chaotic calamity of confusion. “Soon we will launch our offensive. No longer will we have to tell customers we don’t have chips and salsa. Muahahaha!”

“You are so wise, my liege.” Will says, bowing his hairy wolf head in respect as he subtly checks her out because he cannot resist a hot manager. “I shall ascertain that our forces are well prepared to destroy the weak Lenghornians.”

“See that you do.” Spam says, dismissing him.

Leaning over the balcony, Spam peers over her lands in anticipation of the battle to come. 

Time for your annual review, Lenghornians. Muahahahaha!!

The Revolt Returns: Ep 4

“Guys! Look what I’ve got!”

Hastily returning to the server village following the completion of his quest, Dustin the Daring waves his spoils in front of him as he struts through the village’s main street.

Hearing the commotion, the servers of Lenghorn gradually exit their huts one by one, finally meeting in the town square. As they all form a group in front of the square’s Breadboard Center Stage, Dustin takes his place in front of them as their new hero.

“Behold!” He shouts, holding the leather satchel carrying the fabled colors of Xavier the Rainbow Unicorn up so all can see. “See what I hath returned with!”

“Oh my goodness, he did it! He actually did it! Our hero!” The group of new girl hires that no one really knows yet but the guys still wonder if they party all say, batting their newly hired eyelashes.

“Yes, I did it!” Dustin valiantly shouts as he reaches into his satchel, seemingly to pull out the colors that were lost in the Forest of Broccoli Florets. Pulling out a glowing container instead, he holds it above to show the Lenghornians.

“Behold! A jar of captured will-o-the-wisps! We shall now have them as our pets!” He shouts with a gleaming smile.

Suddenly, the Lenghornians fall silent.

“What the Hell?” Chris the Comical asks. “Wisps?! We sent you after Xavier’s colors!”

“Oh, right.” Dustin says, quietly laughing to himself as he shakes the jar to stir the annoying wisps. “I just thought it’d be cool to capture these stupid things. They talk so funny, ya know? Hisssssssss. Ha! Stupid butterflies. Anyway, here ya go.” He adds, reaching into the satchel again and nonchalantly tossing the jar of colors to Chris.

As the Lenghornians see Dustin give Chris the colors, the excitement immediately returns.

“Our hero!” The girls say again.

“Quickly!” David the Hard to Come Up With An Appropriate Title says, “We must get these to Xavier!”

“Huzzah!” The Lenghornians cheer. “Long live Dustin!”

Forming a line, the Lenghornians all begin making their way East, just over the Potato Hills toward the land of Mystical Creatures. Xavier retreated to these lands after losing his colors, ashamed of being the only monochromatic Rainbow Unicorn in the realm.

As the group reaches their neighboring lands, they become awed by the fantastical beings they’ve never before seen.

“Look, Pip!” Rachael the Randy says. “Its a mythical Barfly Gnat! I thought they were only real in stories!”

Overhearing the two hostesses with the mostesses, Blake the Bartender leans down to tell them what the world is really like.

“Oh no, dear hosts.” He says. “The Barfly Gnats are very much a part of our reality. We simply choose to subconsciously ignore the little things even though we all know and laugh about them. After all, what could a Barfly Gnat do to us? They are no threat.”

“Wow,” Pip the Pretty Hot and Tempting says. “You are so wise.”

“Aye, he is indeed.” Chris the Comical says, holding his hand up to halt the group. “Stop! We’ve reached our destination everyone! Time to find our friend.”

Seeing the Lenghornians approaching from his Fancy Schmancy Unicorn Oasis, Xavier reluctantly begins to make his way toward them to say hello.

“Hey guys…” He says, his head hanging low.

“Xavier! Oh, how we have missed you!” Stephanie the Smart says, walking up and patting him on his shapely buns.

“Yeah, I’ve missed you guys too. I just…well, you know.”

“We DO know, my friend.” Chris says, approaching Xavier and resting his arm around him. “Which is why we brought you this!”

Pulling out the jar of colors, Chris the Comical unscrews the lid and shakes the magical greatness back onto the coat of the true Rainbow Unicorn.

“WOW!” Xavier suddenly shouts, obviously invigorated by Chris’ application of hues. “Where, how, why, guys?!” He says in bewilderment, shocked that the Lenghornians have gone through the trouble of finding his colors.

“Because we freakin love you!” Chris shouts. “Duh! Plus, how many Rainbow Unicorns do YOU know? You’re the only one I’ve seen, so I’d say that makes you pretty darn worth it.”

“Gosh. Thanks guys. Ya’ll are the best.” Xavier says in profound appreciation.

————————————————–

And so that’s how our hero, Dustin the Determined, saved Xavier the Rainbow Unicorn from losing his colors. Occasionally, the frequency of which depending on the cool down timer of course, our equestrian friend can now use his colorful flow to resurrect a select individual from beyond the veil. Yes, things in the Lenghornian village finally seem to have reached a peaceful, non-oppressive point. They may now enjoy life for what it is. Fun.

But wait.

There are wisps stirring. Rumors, brewing. An uprising, you say? It must be investigated. For all we know is the realm of Lenghorn. And this realm, we must protect.

Dum dum dummmmmm in a really deep base soundddddddd

 

 

 

 

The Revolt Returns: Ep 3

Shhhhhhhh “someonetellthisguytogetthehelloutofourwoods” shhhhhhh

Furthering his trek deep into the Forest of Broccoli Florets, Dustin the Determined looks back toward the small group of annoying will-o-the-wisps that has followed his journey with ever-watchful, glowing eyes.

“Shoo! Stop following me you stupid butterflies!” He shouts as he adjusts the monocle on his eye which is designed to reveal the lost colors of Xavier, the Rainbow Unicorn.

Shhhhhhhhh “wearenotbutterfliesyouslickhaireddummy” shhhhhhhh “wearewispssssss” shhhhhhhh

The luminescent group hisses back at him, their wings continuing to flutter amidst the forest’s eerie breeze.

“Whatever, weirdos.” Dustin whispers to himself. Bending over to pick up a fallen branch, he reaches into his leather tunic’s pocket and pulls out the small Zippo lighter he uses to light candles of Birthday Sundae’s he normally gives to Lenghornian patrons. Setting the end of the branch ablaze, he suddenly jerks around, engulfing the group of whispering pixies in a fiery ball of wonder. Watching their bodies burn until they are a heap of smoldering corpses on the forest floor, he smiles to himself as he holds the flaming branch out to light the gradually darkening path ahead.

“Good job, Dustin! Stupid butterflies.” He asserts.

“Thanks, man!” He replies, patting himself on the back with his free hand. “Alright. Wait, what are we doing here again?”

“Oh crap.” He says, halting his pace to scratch his slick-haired head. “Ummmmm I think we were looking for something. Something…let’s see. Something red?”

“Red! I think you’re right. Or was it blue?”

“Maybe it was both?”

As he continues his questioning…of himself…another group of wisps flutters by, horrified at the pile of ashes before them.

Shhhhhhhh “ohmygodheykilledfrankandsueandcarlandjohnandwhatthehellbrowhyyyyy” shhhhhhh

They hiss, quickly flying away to avoid being turned into a similar heap of death.

“Anyway, I think we were looking for like a horse or something.” Dustin’s endless conversation continues.

Suddenly a mysterious voice from beyond the avoid can be heard from the treetops, jolting Dustin back into focus.

Dustinnnn….. The faint, female voice whispers. Look to the Eassssssssssst….

“What the hell?” Dustin says, looking up at the nothingness above him.

The Easssssssssst….. The voice continues.

“Who’s there?!” Dustin shouts, still looking to the treetops.

Seriousssssssly. The EASSSSSSSST!!!  The now-impatient voice bellows. It is I, the recently departed soul of Miranda the Frequently Checked Outtttttttt…..

“Oh, damn! Miranda?! Why didn’t you say so?” Dustin asks, still looking up.

Shifting into a terse, normal voice, the soul of Miranda the Frequently Checked Out shortens.

“Good Lord, Dustin. I said look to the freaking East! You totally ruined my sexy mysterious spirit-voice.” She impatiently says.

“Oh, right.” He says, shaking his head to snap out of his daze.

“No, its actually to your left.” Miranda sighs, most likely rolling the spirits of her eyes.

Turning to his left, Dustin finally spots a glistening shimmer of rainbow colors through his magic monocle, partly hidden by the trunk of a nearby tree.

“Hey!” He shouts. “That’s what we were looking for!”

Quieting down into her sexy voice of phantom mystique, the hissing soul of Miranda announces her departure, her voice slowly fading away.

My task is completeeeeeee. Farewell, faithful Lenghorniannnnnnnnn……

Walking to the missing colors of Xavier the Rainbow Unicorn, Dustin bends down to scoop them up, sealing them inside the empty can of peppercorn filling he has with him.

“There!” He proudly says to himself with a grin. “Time to head back to the village!”

“Way to go, my man!” His alter-ego affirms. “Hey, did you remember to bring the ocarina so we can beckon Norm the Steed?” He asks….himself.

“Crap!” He shouts. “I knew we forgot something. Oh well. Hey, lets capture some of those stupid wisps and bring them back as pets.”

“Great idea!”

And so, carrying the fabled colors of Xavier the Rainbow Unicorn, our hero begins the long, arduous walk back to his beloved Lenghornians – can of captured wisps in stow. He has accomplished the first quest bestowed unto him with ease.

We can only hope his good fortune continues, for there are vastly trying times ahead….