What are you attracted to?


I think this might be the trump card over everything else. My blog about the lack of a girlfriend from earlier today got me thinking…what characteristics are attractive in a human being? What do most people want in another person? Oh, this should be fun.

The first characteristic that comes to mind is the obvious. Physical attraction. I tend to think of this as the initiator. It’s almost like your looks are your resume when it comes to dating. We have all these options out there, and we only want to “interview” certain ones. So how do we select the lucky ones? Well, we look at them. That’s how. So physical attraction is more or less the step in the door to the relationship.

Once you’re in, then its game time. This is where the next characteristic comes into play. Personality. You’ve gotten the chance to sit down and chat with this person, so now you’ve got to coax them into liking you, right? So here we go. The next few weeks we play the game, making sure we put on our best face for the situation at hand. But we haven’t yet opened up. Not yet.

Then you make the decision to become exclusive. It feels right, doesn’t it? I like you a lot, you like me a lot. Makes sense. NOW we begin really getting to know one another. And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But when you reach this point, what characteristics are we digging for? In my opinion, at this stage, we’re looking for the nitty gritty. Ambition, career aspirations, religious beliefs, and so on. We want to know this person is somewhat congruent with ourselves. They might say opposites attract, but they don’t stay together very long. Granted, there are exceptions to every rule -but for the most part, finding someone who shares your general beliefs, values, and goals make a relationship MUCH smoother.

So that’s a short take on the evolutionary path of a relationship, at least in my view. It’s a gradual procession of characteristics, unveiled over time. I think it’s important to keep these things in mind, because if you find yourself in a situation where you’re clashing, you need to be able to objectively figure out why. It might sound a bit too scientific, but it really does help to be able to view things this way. It opens people up and helps them understand each other.

And we all have our own turn ons and turn offs. That’s one of the perks of being a human, we get to be super diverse. But I think my ultimate characteristic is intellect. Being able to have a deep conversation with someone who’s passionate and lives for a purpose is one of the most attractive characteristics I can think of. Of course being smoking hot doesn’t hurt, but it’s not all about that, and I think it’s important for people to understand that. True companionship transcends physicality. Having an intellectual, emotional, or spiritual connection with someone is SO much more fulfilling than a physical one.

Think about it.

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