Editing Sucks (but Marriage is Great)

I’m wedded to Words, yes I’m smitten with love

But like any such marriage, we fight

Sometimes it gets tense, and push comes to shove

As they shout, “Don’t give me your bullshit tonight!”

Of course that’s unfair, Words just don’t understand

Just like any ole husband or wife

Its worked to the bone, this here writing hand

Far too much for that “editing” life

Why can’t Words just listen, do what I say

And tidy things up on their own?

I’m only one man, and its been a long day

Must I do so much work all alone?

As carpal tunnel sets in, Words just lounge and relax

Can’t even say “Good job today, Matt”

Oh its cool Words, I got this, ya’ll just lay on your backs

Like I’m hitched to a fat fucking cat

Hell, I even invent those new friends that you like

“Words Night Out” exists ‘cause of ME

The least you could do is be more sportsmanlike

And help edit occasionally

I mean how hard can it be? Just shuffle your feet!

One step and that loose screw is tight

My spelling is solid, my grammar’s is neat

Its not like it’ll take you all night

But whatever I guess, I know they think I overbear

I truly feel marriage is great

I just get so worried they might have an affair

With that douchebag songwriter I hate

 

 

 

 

 

Modern Dating

Hello again my people!

Tonight we talk of change

You all know what I speak of

That dreaded dating game

Gone, those days of wonder

Where in stomachs, wings would flap

But butterflies are gone now

Their place, a shallow app

Sigh…rather than depress you

And speak the truth today

Instead I’ll joke about it

Make light of things we say

So let me guess, dear ladies

If I stumbled ‘cross your pics

The bio’s not much different

Than the rest of all the chicks’

You’re “not here for a hookup”

You like whiskey and craft beer

Hate shirtless mirror selfies

I bet you “just moved here”

Your heart is pure, still searching

For a leader among men

But that jerk just sent a dog pic

Ugh, here we go again

This brings me to my next point

You women aren’t to blame

We fellas say “I’m different”

But often cheat the game

So let me take a shot here

And venture but a guess

For all I know of others

Is what you say and stress

It sounds most of our bios

All follow common trends

We tell you that we’re different

But nudes? We’ll gladly send

We aren’t here for a hookup

Just the same as you

But when it comes to meeting

A bar is our go-to

Oh, and did you get it?

The picture? Wait, I’ll send

Don’t my gains look awesome?

That mirror’s my best friend

Anyway, I digress

It’s cynical, I know

So much for staying whimsy

This all just bugs me so

Don’t get me wrong, I get it

Just human, all are we

I know that it’s our nature

And perfect, none can be

Anyway, I’m ranting

Let’s end it for tonight

Let’s get back to the real world

This game of swiping right

But ‘fore I finish scribbling

A last thing, I shall say

From deepest heart, I promise

Real love will come one day

Perhaps from out of nowhere

This search, it finally ends

The butterflies will find you

This I know, my friends