How the World Should Work

I’m sure I’m not the only one who wonders a lot of this stuff, so you’ve probably heard some of these thoughts before. But these are things that legitimately bug me.

• Why do dogs lick the shower water off your legs but not pool water?
• How do I lose just one of so many pairs of socks? Like where the hell do they go??
• Does Baxter really love me – or does he just follow me around cause I feed him the noms?
• Why is sex called intercourse? Doesn’t that sound more like something you’d be served in between your appetizer and dinner? Like salad. Eating salad should be called having intercourse.
• I wonder how many things in history have actually happened in a way completely different than what we’ve been taught.
• Why did birds evolve in so many different colors?
• On that note, why don’t puffins get more press? Those things are like the coolest birds on the planet. Like little penguin toucans.
• If the spirit is eternal, why don’t we remember anything before we were born? I’ve addressed this before in another blog.
• Why do women care so much about their appearance, when the only ones who would notice their fallacies anyway are other women? And I wouldn’t even call them fallacies. I mean stuff like a teeny lump in their ponytail or a small makeup smudge. Something NO guy on Earth would even think about. You’re beautiful just the way you are. No need for false advertisement. Plus, by trying so hard to look good you’re just gonna attract the guys who only care about your appearance anyway. Isn’t that sort of counter-productive? No wonder women complain about men all the time. I bet if you stopped getting so primped you could solve most of those issues with superficial guys. Anyway, I digress – I guess we all wanna look good, so I can’t say its not understandable. (Shew, that was a long one).
• I wonder why people don’t take the time to wonder?
• (This is a true story) A few months ago I was writing a letter in invisible ink. How the heck do you know when you’ve run out of invisible ink?
• Is it okay for vegetarians to eat animal crackers?
• Why do planes put flotation devices under the seat instead of parachutes?
• Why are apartments called apartments? They’re stuck together, that makes no sense at all.
• Isn’t it fundamentally impossible to expect the unexpected?
• Isn’t “Leader of the Free World” an oxymoron?
• On that note, isn’t a “Civil” War an oxymoron too?
• Why is stealing from one person called “plagiarism”, but stealing from many persons called “research”?
• Growing up, why did we always sing Take Me Out to the Ball Game? We were already AT the ball game.
• I wonder if Mom is still conscious. This one bothers me more than any.
• I wonder if I’m destined to be single forever. I think entirely too much, which in my experience has not been an attractive relationship characteristic.
• Why do we say “after dark”, when its currently dark?
• Why don’t they make cereal bags Ziploc? I don’t know how many boxes of Rice Krispies I’ve spoiled because of that.
• I wonder if my second book will be as good as the first. At least according to the publisher. Creating an expectation puts way too much pressure on you.
• Speaking of which, I wonder if I’ll ever find a movie studio willing to make it a flick.
• I wonder when I’ll get some sort of comfort or closure on the religion topic. I really want to believe. Sometimes my head is my own worst enemy.

Anyway, I could go on for days but I’ll stop there. Don’t you have these types of thoughts though? I wish there was some sort of Blue Fairy like from that Haley Joel Osment movie A.I. where you could ask anything you wanted and get an answer (what happened to that guy btw?)

I wonder.