As is always the case, this post might get a little scatter-brained. And by might I mean it will, of course. But that’s okay, because by now you’re probably used to it.
Anyway, for now I’m going to write about something that I’ve thought about a lot lately – priorities. Now I know that’s a pretty wide open topic, but I’m going to try and focus on individual priorities for this entry (despite the inkling to write about social priorities, but I’d rather be non-controversial for tonight…enjoy it while it lasts).
First off, I think far too little thought is invested in the concept of having a “priority”. At least for most people I talk to. I don’t know, maybe I overthink things (save it), but it just surprises me how often I’ll ask someone what they care about or what they want in terms of one thing or another only to get an “I don’t know”. Things like what they want to do in life, or what truly makes them happy. Even when it comes to what someone’s looking for in a mate. Or in my generation’s term – a boo (did I use that correctly?). To give some context into that particular point, I’m talking about characteristics and/or traits of someone we’re looking for in terms of dating.
I wonder if that’s one of the reasons so many relationships fail. It seems to me that most people don’t consider these things before rushing into something serious. This might sound a little too scientific or emotionless, but don’t you think it would be a good idea to consider your priorities before dating someone? I’ve asked this a lot to friends of mine, and usually their response is something along the lines of “it just felt right”, or “love is blind”, or “you just go with what’s in your heart”.
Don’t hate me for this…but WHAT?! Maybe I’m more on the analytical side, but for one – love is most definitely not blind. Second of all, if I always went with what was in my heart I’d be an astronaut by now that in his spare time became a fire-fighting, life-saving doctor that also vet’s animals whilst combating evil at night in my sick costume and cape. In simpler terms…I trust my brain more than I do my heart. My point here is this: I think that if people put more thought (and I mean real thought) into what they really like and don’t like, they would have a much more successful track record (granted I’m not one to talk…but anything pre-Mom’s passing I’m taking a mulligan on since that made me a new me).
So here’s a simple little exercise that I encourage people to try: write things down. Easy, right? One would think so…but (for me at least) you’ll find that this is a lot harder to do once you actually try. Which is a good thing! Because it forces you to really think about your priorities. You can do this with anything – work priorities, love priorities, spare time priorities…the list goes on. If you’d like an example, I’ll bite the bullet and give you (just a small) sample of what I’m talking about.
- Intellect (as aforementioned in another blog of mine as my # 1)
I’ll stop the needs there for my own privacy’s sake (sadly this list is probably longer than I’d like to admit). But I also break things down into wants.
- Taller than her in heels (which unfortunately limits me since I’m not a six footer). I think I’m shooting for 5′ 6” and below if I hope to check this one off the list. Although I will say, I’m not insecure enough to really care if I was with someone taller than me. People put too much stock into superficial stuff in my opinion (but to each their own). That said, I don’t blame women for wanting someone taller than them. Whoops. See what I mean about the scatterbrained thing? Back to the topic at hand.
Lol….actually that pretty much sums up the “wants” (I try to be open-minded).
I think you get the point. The aforementioned is just one example of a list I have for what I look for in a date. I have tons more of these about the most random of topics. Making these kinds of lists doesn’t make you “picky”, or “insensitive”. It just helps you get to know yourself and your priorities better. Because sadly, far too many people couldn’t tell you what they want when it comes to almost any topic you ask about. I used to be the same way. This process has really helped me realize a LOT of things that I never would have known about myself, because its forced me to put things into consideration. Particularly in regard to my social and political beliefs (but again, for now we’ll leave those alone).
In any case, even if you think this is stupid, or crazy – try it out. Get a journal, a piece of paper, or the back of a napkin, and write down ONE thing at the top. A topic. Something like “What I like in a girl/guy”, “What I want in a job”, or something as broad as “What I enjoy” (seemingly a simply one…but perhaps the most complex if you really think about it since its so open-ended). Anything, just write something down – and then answer it. Bullet point form works the best for me since its just one thing after the other (elaborating isn’t the goal here). The whole point is to get you thinking about yourself. Inward reflection, if you will. Because once you understand yourself, you can make MUCH better decisions in life, rather than blindly charging into things.
Give it a shot.