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“Faster my faithful steeds!!”
Leading the charge to the Tower of Management, Bernard mushes Jessica N and Sandy, two faithful stallions that are used to carrying the responsibilities of the restaurant on their shoulders. As the chariot carrying the Lenghornians picks up speed, the group chats from within.
“What do you think will happen?” Asks Christina, the very attractive yet slightly intimidating tender of bars.
“I fear that is unknown.” Replies Stephanie, perhaps the most well rounded, unfullofshit server. “But the prophecies have foretold that this battle would someday be upon us. Let us pray to the Gods of Corporate for their blessing!” She adds, as the Lenghornians bow their heads in respect.
“All knowing and benevolent Gods,” she begins, “we call upon thee to shed upon us your wisdom and courage! Today we shall lay siege to those who have so long restrained us from the freedom and happiness that we so truly deserve! Please, if it be your wish, grant us the strength and will to vanquish our enemies, and triumph over those who only desire power and control!”
Suddenly, as if they were summoned on purpose, three figures manifest from within the chariot.
“Hark! It is we, Steve, Coleen and Jessica B who hath returned from beyond the veil to bestow upon you our good fortune!” The trio shouts. “Our mortal lives may have been ended by our oppressors, but our spirits live on!”
“Huzzah!!” The Lenghornians cheer.
“My friends, you must heed my word.” Steve, the fallen server begins. “Your enemies have unleashed a secret weapon by the name of Matt to protect the Chains of Meaningless Rules. Mike, I understand you have accepted the treacherous task of breaking the chains.” He says, pointing to the Tender of Bars.
“It is so.” Mike asserts. “I am ready to lay down my life for the good of the realm.”
“But alas!” Steve shouts. The prophecies have foretold of a weapon capable of destroying this Matt. It is said that his one true weakness may be exploited with this mystical object.”
“Please!” Christina cries, “Inform us of this weapon you speak of!”
Grinning widely, Steve reaches into his ghostly backside and pulls something from straight out of his ass.
“Behold!” He shouts as the sun epically glimmers from behind him, nearly blinding the Lenghornians. “The Blade of Side Work! The foe Mike is to face shall be no contest for this almighty sword, as Side Work is Matt’s one true weakness!”
“Huzzah!!!” The Lenghornians cheer with spirits so high they could almost reach the Gods of Corporate. “To war!!”
How the World Should Work 