The Lenghornian Revolt: Epilogue

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The morning following the epic Battle for Free Servitude, the sun is shining particularly bright upon the realm. As the dawn of the new era begins, the remaining Lenghornians gather around the bodies of their fallen comrades.

“Brothers! Sisters! Fairies and spiders! Sword-poopers and spirits! Lend me your ears!” Shouts Mike, the newly promoted Breaker of Chains. “We must pray to the Gods of Corporate for bestowing their blessings upon us, leading us to victory against the oppressive Managers of Old!”

Silently lowering their heads, the group kneels before the burning bodies of their brothers and sisters as Ashli, Queen of the House of Back floats forward to pray.

“Merciful Gods of Corporate,” she begins, “we call upon thee to voice our thanks for your indescribable courage and wisdom. We mortals, who cannot comprehend your splendor, are forever in your debt for the strength and victory you have granted us. We shall rebuild this land in your honor!” She adds, raising her fairy wand. “But alas, we must ask one more favor of you. If it be your will, please allow the spirits of the fallen to enter the Kingdom of Headquarters, where they may enjoy the fabled Food and Ales of your high-rise Corporate Cafeteria! We pray that the following souls be granted entry to your kingdom: Bernard, Knight of the Realm!”

“Huzzah!” The others cheer.

“Steve, Coleen, and Jessica B.”


“Sandy, faithful steed of the House of Front.”


“David, Obtainer of Extra Shifts and Recruiter of Softball!”


“Wendell, Sacrificer of Life for Dust Demonstration!”


“Mark, Server of Sensitivity and Drummer of Musics!”


“And finally,” Ashli begins, “we pray that you protect our Free Lands from now until the end of time. Amen.”


“But wait!” Suddenly, a forgotten voice echoes from beyond the Kitchen Hills. In the distance, a rainbow unicorn can be seen galloping towards the group, heavily panting as he nears them.

“Xavier!” The Lenghorians shout. “Where have you been? We feared you got lost during our march to the Tower of Management!”

“Neigh!” Says the horse, winking and chuckling to himself at the cleverly added pun that he just realized was a pun. “You have forgotten! The Urine of Unicorns breathes life back into the bodies of fallen comrades! But I fear I have the bladder to bestow my gift upon only one of our loyal companions.”

“GASP!” The Lenghornians collectively breathe in a loud rush of air. “He is right!” Chris shouts. “Whoever shall we resurrect?”

“That’s easy,” Blake the Long-Legged says. “For there is one among them whom never tests my nerves. Alas! We shall resurrect our rhythmic drummer Mark!”

“So be it!” Xavier shouts, squatting over Mark’s inanimate head to begin urinating in his mouth.

Finally, after several shakes, Xavier steps aside to view the results of his relief.

“Cough….cough cough. **Gag** What in the name of the Maker?”

“Behold!” Xavier shouts, as he shakes off the last of his rainbow urine. “He is alive!”

“HUZZAH!!!!!” The Lenghornians cheer, as they jump for joy.

As the group returns to their duties, happy as the steamed clams that aren’t on the menu, a dark shadow lurks in the distance, observing their celebration.

“Muahahaha!” He cackles to Kelsey, the ass. manager beside him. “Fools! They have no idea that we are climbing the Ladder of Corporate to replace our weak-minded superiors!”

“You are right, Slug.” Kelsey says. “Let them rejoice. We will return stronger than ever!”

“MUAHAHAHAHA!” They laugh, creeping their way back toward the destroyed Tower of Management.


….for now. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!



Thanks to Xavier the Unicorn for providing the creative input to add the Urine of Unicorn into the story. Good idea, my friend. Good idea indeed.

Oh, and you see the little button down below that says “Facebook”? Click on that to share this story to your friends! Servers unite!

Link to Chapter One



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