The Lenghornian Revolt Returns: Chapter 6

Gallop gallop gallop 

The evening after Bobby the Brave’s bold quest to obtain the legendary siege weapons, the servers are out tending their crops, peacefully awaiting his return.

“Do you hear something?” Christina asks Chris, as she hoes her crops of garlic grilled corn. 

“I believe I do!” Chris responds, looking up and down at the Elvira outfit she’s wearing.

“Alas! It is Bobby!! He hath returned!!” Christina shouts, dropping the hoe.

“My friends!” Bobby shouts. “I have returned with the fabled siege weapons of old!” 

Behind him, an enormous Battering Ham and Crouton Catapult can be seen, being toted by his faithful steed Norman.

Pant pant pant.

“My Lord Bobby, I’ve never been ridden so hard in my life!”

“Tis true, my lass, but lo! We are here!!” 

“Huzzah!” The Lenghornians shout. 

Flying into the middle of the field, Connee, Queen of the House of Front has the servers reconvene to present their new weapons of war.

“Servers!” She shouts. “Your champion hath returned with the fabled weapons of yesteryear!! Behold! The legendary Crouton Catapult and its destructive companion, The Battering Ham!!”

As Connee screams these inspiring words, Blake rolls out the enormous wooden wheeled pig to show to the Lenghornians. It’s the server equivalent of a battering ram (duh), and has a metal nose that’s surely capable of destroying any door put before it. Shaped like a pig, the servers hope the irony of having their gates knocked down by a piece of bacon will put the managers in their rightful place.

Slowly rolling behind the Battering Ham, the Crouton Catapult is being pulled by Xavier the Unicorn, who’s bladder has been upgraded to save THREE fallen servers. 

“Don’t forget the Catapult, my friends!” He neighs, shoving his unicorn horn up Chris’s butt, making sure he makes haste.

“Huzzah!” The Lenghornians cheer. “Now we have the equipment to oust our oppressors!!”


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