How the World Should Work

“Behold! Cedric the Everhigh has strengthened our siege weapons of old!”

Returning to the village of servers, Bobby and Norman haul the Battering Ham and Crouton Catapult into the center of the town square.

“At last! They hath returned!” Pip the Well-Bodied cries in excitement. “Come servers, let us greet our champions!”

As the servers emerge from their (drinking) straw huts, they jump and cheer in excitement at the duo’s arrival. All joining in the square, Bobby unfastens the siege weapons from Norman’s shapely backside.

“With these, Slug’s forces will be outmatched with ease.” He says with a confident grin.

As the servers gather round to observe the two massive objects, a group of dark, ominously grey clouds blocks out the sun, casting a dark shadow over the village.

“Hmm,” Ashley the Fairy quietly says. “Strange weather approaches.” She says, squinting her eyes at the darkness.

“Strange weather, indeed.” Connee adds.

“Friends, let us not allow harmless clouds to rain on our parade! No pun intended, of course. For we have finally gained what we require to end Slug’s reign once and for all!” Bobby says cheerfully, putting his arms around the visibly frightened fairies.

“Huzzah!” The servers shout in unison.

As the villagers continue to admire their newly acquired weapons of war, a black mist manifests from the group of clouds, silently creeping toward the Earth. Distracted by their weapons, the mist takes the form of Slobert, the Local Manager who fell during the epic Battle of the Servers.

“My love! Behind you!” Norman the Steed shouts at her champion.

His eyes lighting up in fear, Bobby the Brave slowly turns to face the disgusting figure that has taken shape behind him. In one fell swoop, Slobert the Oppressor lunges forward, enveloping Bobby with his foul-smelling, black mist, sucking the life out of him. The servers gasp in horror as Bobby falls to the ground, pale and decrepit.

“NOOOOOO!!!!” Norman wails.

Approaching from the East, a flock of brainless cooks swoop over the village to admire the work that Slobert has done. Diving toward the servers, the villagers duck in fear as they franticly scatter to avoid the chicken winged minions.

“Teeheeheehee!!” The cooks cackle with high-pitched, obnoxious laughter. “You are all next!” They shout, flying away to report the success to Slug the Smelly.

As the gravely black figure ascends back into the clouds, the sky clears – casting a bright ray of light upon the decaying body of Bobby the Recently Departed.

As the servers gather around him in horror, Connee the fairy kneels down before him, attempting to spread her magical fairy dust to reanimate his lifeless corpse.

“Please, my friend,” Norman pleads. “You must save him!”

“Alas, my dear, I fear it is too late. Slobert’s magic is far too powerful.”

Collapsing in tears, Norman the Steed runs off toward the hills in the East in a fit of rage, clearly toward the Tower of Management to avenge her fallen hero.

“Norman! Come back!” Xavier the rainbow-laden Unicorn shouts after her. “I shall use my Urine of Revitalization to bring Bobby back from beyond the void!!”

Refusing to heed his directions, Norman speeds up, far out of sight of the servers.

“Alas, my friends,” Xavier says assuredly, “behold the power of my urine.”

Kneeling over Bobby’s body, Xavier squats down to allow his strawberry-scented stream to flow into the champion’s mouth. After stepping back to await his return from the void, Xavier grimaces in apprehension.

“Impossible!” He shouts. “It appears that my urine is not strong enough to undo that foul phantom’s magic either!”

Stepping back in remorse, the servers gasp as they realize their leader is lost to them for all eternity.

“Gasp!

“What are we going to do now?” Rachael the Hot Host innocently asks, kneeling down in defeat.

“We fight.” Stephanie the Slant Eyed bravely says, stepping forward to take the lead. Bending down to grasp the steak knife the Bobby wielded, she points it toward the East, signaling the battle that is surely to come.

“Huzzah!” The servers shout, their spirits lifted by Stephanie’s courage.

Lifting Bobby’s corpse to begin the burial proceedings, the servers collectively carry him towards the fabled Hill of Bodies, whose soil contains the remains of their most revered ancestors – paying him the respects he so rightfully has earned.