Are those pillows to your liking? Since you’ve spread them everywhere? Are you packing to go hiking? You sure took time arranging, there I do not get it, little dude Why must you make a mess? To be frank, it’s kinda rude Can you not just chill and rest? All the blankets, all the throws … More Dog Tornado
What do you do when you’re faced with a curse? A fate that is worse than your death? A thing that can just be described as the worst A thing that is Baxter’s dog breath? I usually let him jump onto my lap It’s not a big deal, normally But when I wake up after … More Dog Breath
Come here close, come here, see? “Are these the things you said I need?” “Wait a second, what is this?” My trick worked, now you do belong to me Come on down, don’t be shy “I think that we should let it be” Just you wait, you won’t regret “You’re really starting to scare me” … More The Worst Tinder Date Ever
There lives a small famiwee, I call dem da Boyds They are so pwetty and so vewy cute I love to watch them frowick and pway Everwy day on my morning commute Dey live in a howse dats made out of straw Da parwents, dey must be da best All of da time da Boyds … More Da Boyds
Oooookay! Where do I even begin? I suppose a little background context is a good place to start. So my dog, Mr Baxter, has a nasty habit of chewing his leashes. He’s pretty much the perfect pup outside of that one annoying, economically burdening trait. Most of my brainstorming for writing is done with a … More My Dog is Famous
“Alright, everyone. This evening we have an excellent opportunity to show these people just what we mean. We’ve tolerated centuries of oppression, decades of condescension, and countless years of bigotry! I say unto you all, stand up for your rights! Stand up for your freedoms! Stand up for the God Given, inherent capabilities of existing … More The Tiki Torches: 3
The gloves are off! It’s heating up And when you think They’ve said enough They bounce right back To add a punch A right, a left This scribbling bunch Some shout, some SCREAM! Yet others wait Through subtle pokes Their points, they bait Until they land That final blow When socks blow off And minds … More The Writers Marquee
Oh, won’t you just look How she swoons. Don’t you wish She’d just get her own room? That smug, prissy, pompous fish Ugh, all the glamour All the glint, all the glee Get over yourself, fishy You think you’re pretty? Ha! All we fish Swim around, making fun As you duck lip your way Thinking … More Jellyfish
For far too long I’ve waited And put off this vital task No more shall I lay dormant It’s time to shed this timid mask The road ahead, its daunting Just where does one begin? It matters not, get started As complacency’s a sin The goal is set, if only Our path was just as … More How the World Should Work
Chivalrys dead! Or so it is said On this, I ponder quite long It’s really no chore Kindly holding your door Yet you glare, like something is wrong It’s fine! Some will sneer I’ll get it! They’ll jeer Independent, a woman am I Your help? I’ve no need These mouths, he shall feed Career driven, … More The Gentleman
To give a little context, below is a reflection of my experience (as a volunteer) at the first Game of Thrones conference ever held. Working the Con provided a pretty good view of how things went administratively. I daresay the vast majority of the weekend was a massive success, but there was (understandably) a slight … More The Con of Cons
The time has come, I think it so To say something that we all know There’s groups, there’s squads, there’s little cliques But none compare to Team White Chicks Like ohmigosh! Kisses, hugs While sipping lattes, wearing Uggs These leggings fit, or make me fat? C’mon girl, just ask Snapchat Great idea! They’re just so … More White Girls
“Hey guys! Has anyone seen my jar of annoying whispering wisps?” Approaching the Lenghornian village’s central meeting area, Dustin the Determined asks his co-workers where his pets might be. “Oh yeah, we actually threw them out.” Chris the Comical tells him. “They all died. Did you not feed them?” His quizzical stare slowly fading into … More The Revolt Returns: 9
I wrote this quite awhile back, but since I’ve decided to hold on to book 2, I wanted to share this chapter so I can introduce one of my favorite characters. This chapter is the first in which Carson’s new companion Squeak comes along. If you read it, there’s obviously going to somewhat of a … More Introducing Squeak
shhhhhhh letusoutofthisstupidjaryouslickhairedmaniac shhhhhhh Back in the Lenghornian village, Dustin the Determined is carrying around his jar of wisps like a trophy. Easily entertained, he looks at them with the grin of a school boy looking at his first bowl of sea monkeys. “Ha!” He laughs. “Stupid wisps. Bet you wish you hadn’t made fun of … More The Revolt Returns: 7
“Quesadilla! Why is there no salt on my swine?!” Far to the East, the realm’s new manager Spam shouts at her brainless Chilian manservant. Despite her managerial commitment to Lenghorn, she has diabolically crafted an alter-ego which, in her spare time, she utilizes to control the activities of the Lenghornian’s rivals. “Apologies, my liege,” the … More The Revolt Returns: 6
Ommmmmmm…… Ommmmmmm…… High above the Eastern mountains, the eerie chants of the Chilians can be heard.They are monks, a strange religious group who gain their deep understanding of the universe by basking themselves in the slightly spicy salsa that is provided upon the table greet. The Lenghornians have spent a long time battling internally, relentlessly … More The Revolt Returns: 5
His name is Jacob Sellars. Below is an excerpt from one of the paragraphs that describes him. I really want to provoke the deep, visceral thoughts that we all have with this story and it’s characters. Touching taboo topics is sometimes a necessary thing if we want to achieve progress. Humanity needs an awakening. “Knowing this … More Sneak Peak at a New Character in Continuity: Coalition
Chapter 1 “Can you believe it’s been eleven months since the Battle for Free Servitude?” Peacefully plowing her fields of terrible-tasting seasonal carrots, Stephanie the server comments to her co-worker, Brian the Frequently Requested, about how quickly time has passed since the epic liberation from their oppressive managers. “It’s hard to.” Brian replies. “It seems … More The Lenghornian Revolt: The Full Second Sequence
Due to the many requests I received to consolidate the individual chapters, below is the first installment of The Revolt in its entirety. Enjoy! Chapter 1 You have got to be kidding me. Reaching into her apron for the third time, Marcia grabs yet another straw and hands it to the four year old child … More The Lenghornian Revolt: Full First Sequence
How the World Should Work 