How the World Should Work

“Servers! Notch your Silver Arrows of Ware! Fairies! Load croutons!!”

Pointing her steak knife toward the castle, Stephanie the Strong commands her legion of servers. Closing in on the walls protecting Slug’s domain and the Tower of Management, the Lenghornians have sliced through his outer defenses like a hot knife through butter. Darkening the sky with their silver arrows of ware, the hail of forks and knives falls upon the brainless cooks with impunity, ripping them to pieces. Massive croutons being launched by fairies Connee and Ashley are pummeling his walls, delivering the shock and awe anticipated by the improvements of Cedric the Everhigh.

“Behold!” Stephanie shouts, pointing her steak knife toward the tattered walls of Slug’s Keep, “the castle is falling!!”

“Quickly! We must scale the walls!” Mark the Rhythmic Resurrected says as he approaches a spot of the wall that has been destroyed by one of the large, garlic-laced croutons. “Where is Emily the Well-Bunned?!”

Suddenly, a break in the servers battalion reveals itself as a shapely woman walks forward, laying down before the wall. 

Emily the Well Bunned has joined the fray, using her best ASSets to the Lenghornians advantage.

“Swiftly Lenghornians! We must use these buns to bounce ourselves over Slug’s defenses! We shall soon gain entry to his Keep!” Mark shouts, getting a running start before trampolining over the wall by jumping on Emily’s bouncy buns.

“Huzzah!” The other Lengnorians shout as they follow suit, bouncing themselves over the walls. Finally, approaching the massive wooden door to Slug’s Keep, Stephanie the Server stands atop the Battering Ham, ready to oust the oppressive manager before them.

“Slug!!” Stephanie shouts. “You are defeated! We have yet again washed away the Chains of Meaningless Rules!”

Peering down at the Lenghornians from his window, Slug shrieks as he makes a last ditch effort to defend his castle.

“Never!! For I still command the spirit of Slobert!” He shouts, beckoning the shadowed ghost of the local manager to attack.

“Neigh!!” Xavier the Unicorn screams. Using his teeth to lift a cover off of the wagon the unicorn has been pulling, Cedric the Everhigh suddenly leaps out with his bloodshot, baggy eyes and points his enormous Lenghornian Water Bong at the misty spirit. Just as it descends toward Stephanie the Strong, Cedric puts the bull shaped bong to his mouth and deeply inhales, sucking in the mist containing the spirit of Slobert, blowing him out in a puff of black, ghostly goodness – assuring his return to beyond the veil.

“NOOOO!!!!” Kelsey screams, entering the battle. “My love!!”

Dragging Slug out of his keep, Kelsey passionately holds Slug’s hand, seemingly wanting to plead for a compromise. Ever the level-headed one, she seems to practice wisdom well beyond her years.

Slowly looking up toward the emboldened faces of the oppressed Lenghornians, Kelsey takes a deep breath. For years she’s looked over them, making their schedules, cashing them out, and listening to their problems. She’s beginning to realize how important they all really are to her and how much they mean…but suddenly, out of nowhere…

BOOM!!!!

A massive garlic crouton can be seen on the horizon, launched by the legendary Crouton Catapult. As the enormous body of bread blocks the sun and blackens the sky, the pleading faces of Kelsey and Slug fade into faces of fear as it lands on top of them, crushing their bodies and sending their souls beyond the void. 

“Oops.” Ashlee the Fairy says. “Must’ve forgotten to announce the halt.” 

Flying back over the battlefield, she begins shouting at the faithful soldiers. “Servers, victory! Slug is no more!! You can stop with the croutons.” She adds with a laugh, peering back at Slugs garlicky crushed corpse.

“Alas!” Connee the Fairy asserts. “This humorously launched crouton has prevented any last words from Slug and his loyal companion. Perhaps it is for the best!”

“It is so!” Ashlee shouts, holding her wand before her. 

“Lenghornians! Regroup in the town square. There is much to be discussed.”

Making their way toward the square, the Lenghornians happily begin singing songs of the battles before.