The Lenghornian Revolt Returns: Pt 11


“Teeheeheehee!!!!”

Approaching from the Western hills, the chicken-winged brainless cooks fly toward Slug’s Keep, nestled not far beyond his castle walls and the Tower of Management. Swooping in through an open stone window, they perch themselves on top of the banisters overlooking his bedchamber.

“My liege,” one of the cooks screeches. “Our quest is complete! Bobby the Burly has been felled, and is no more!”

“Exxxxcellent.” Slug sneers as he creepily rubs his hands together, staring out the window to the West. “Now the servers have no champion, and will surely crumble under their lack of leadership! Muahahaha!!”

Overhearing the sinister cackle from the Keep’s common area, Kelsey the Betrothed ascends the spiral staircase leading to Slug’s chamber.

“My lord,” she says. “I have caught wind of our victory from my dear Slobert. He has returned bearing news of Bobby’s return to beyond the void.”

“It is true, my dear whom I have a crush on but fear the repercussion of pursuing said crush. Bobby the Buttface has been ousted.”

“Wait, what?” Kelsey asks, caught off guard at Slug’s nonchalantly inserted statement.

“Silence!” Slug shouts, waving a dismissive hand. “See that you tend to Slobert, as I am sure his spirit is tired from his recent journey.”

“But my liege, I do not believe spirits are capable of experiencing fatigue! They have no body, after all.”

“Tend to him anyway!” Slug shouts again, raising his voice. “I must be left to my thoughts.” He grunts, jealously glancing at the small locket containing a portrait of Kelsey and her betrothed hanging from her necklace.

“Of course, my lord.” Kelsey sighs, bowing her head before exiting the room.

Turning to face the window again, Slug puts his hands behind his back as he stares back out toward the Western hills. Desperately wanting to enjoy the recent victory against the servers, he can’t help but picture his Slugly arms grasping the wonderful waist for which he so dearly longs. Just as his daydreams begin to reach a more sinister point, he notices a small figure manifest from beyond the hills. Squinting his eyes to better focus on the figure, he reaches to the table beside him to grab the conveniently placed monocular he has stashed for instances such as this. Stretching the monocle to its full length, he raises it to his eye to observe the approaching silhouette. To his horror, the lone figure gradually becomes dozens as he witnesses Stephanie the Sweet leading a battalion of servers toward the castle. Toted behind them are two enormous siege weapons, the likes of which he has never seen.

“Kelsey!” He shrieks, sprinting up the spiral staircase. “Quickly! To arms! Raise the alarm! The castle is under attack!!” He screams again, frantically flailing his arms around like a wacky inflatable tube-man.

As the brainless cooks obey the order and make their way toward the battlements, they begin arming the catapults and trebuchets. Slug, still flailing, retreats to his armory to adorn his apron breastplate and oven mitt gauntlets.

Taking a deep breath as finishes strapping them on, he draws a deep breath to prepare for what is to come.

“The battle is upon us.” He says to himself, calmly looking into a mirror at his Slugly reflection.

Entering the armory after overseeing the castle’s battle preparations, Kelsey slowly walks toward Slug, refastening his apron as she stands behind him.

“Lead us to victory, my Lord.” She whispers into his ear.

Stepping away from her to curb the tension in his loins felt from her close proximity, Slug turns to face her.

“But of course, my dear.” He says with a smug look of arrogance. “I will not fail. Unlike certain other local managers in the past, I am not a lesser man. The bards will sing songs of my greatness for ages to come.” He adds, clearly referring to Kelsey’s betrothed.

Opting to avoid the debate Kelsey decides to stroke Slug’s ego, hoping her encouragement will strengthen his resolve for the approaching battle.

“Of course, my liege. Your greatness is unparalleled.”

Taking one final deep breath, Slug looks toward the door.

“Come. Let us put a swift end to Stephanie the Squinted and her pathetic companions. I will end this war once and for all.”

Heading toward the battlements, Slug lets Kelsey walk ahead so as to observe her shapely buns.

Little does he know what lies ahead.


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