“All real writers are published” Hang on a second, that statement’s wrong! What say you of bloggers, huh? Can poets not come tag along? “Ha! We scoff with tilted heads” “Real writers do those on the side” “We know that true art lies in sales” “For money validates our stride” “So please, a blogger? Some … More You Might Be A Writer If…
Sure a catchy title, no? I mean its kind of right Said before, I’m sure it’s so But came to me tonight Some day an agent reading a Submission (one of mine) Will finish it and be like “Shit!” “This author I must sign!” But then the intern (her name’s Pam) Will come … More You Can’t Spell Fame Without Me
I put on my old socks, ever so slowly I should take them to church cause my socks are so holy But before this day starts, I must say that this chap Shall first drop a deuce, ‘cause he don’t give a crap Flip a coin in the well, but it wasn’t well-spent Matchbox 20 … More No Pun Intended
I’m wedded to Words, yes I’m smitten with love But like any such marriage, we fight Sometimes it gets tense, and push comes to shove As they shout, “Don’t give me your bullshit tonight!” Of course that’s unfair, Words just don’t understand Just like any ole husband or wife Its worked to the bone, this … More Editing Sucks (but Marriage is Great)
It puts the lotion on its skin Or else it gets the hose again “What a minute, why’d you stop?” “My hairs so matted, it’s a mop!” “Turn the water on again” “I’m not done bathing, creepy friend” Hold on, what? I thought that I – “Shut up, dude! It’s time to dry” “Now turn … More The Creep
I’m on a lifelong mission, I’d be remiss not to admit But every now and then I say enough of all this shit Why don’t I let my fixed hair down and pour myself a drink? You know what? Let me take that back. I’ll pour several, I think Tonight I shall forget the … More Lighten TF Up
Lemme take you to an age before the days of Netflix A time before you and I, when people made their own bricks That’s right you pussy boys and girls – “Hold on a sec what year is this?” One fucking seven, mother fucking seven six That was the year that we stood and said, … More America Then Vs. America Now
“Bites of the Round Bowl!! Please, lend me your ears.” Standing valiantly on the balcony of Cage Spamalot’s Keep, Grr Barker tells the entire Realm of the quest he will embark on, with no puns intended. “Realm!” He shouts, “I shall commission my bravest, most chivalrous Bites to accompany me on this epic quest! We … More The Ward & the Bone: 13
The morning after Grr Barker’s cryptic meeting with The Lady of the Shake, he rises early to greet the new sun. Trotting over to the stone window overlooking his Kingdom, he squints his eyes as the light meets his emerald, green eyes. His thoughts bark the question of whether he is worthy of such a … More The Ward & the Bone: 8
After the seventh hour of the seventh day of the seventh month of the seventh year of the seventh century of the seventh Age, the brave Bite, Toother Mansbestfrienddragon, overcame his enemies. He led a valiant assault upon the entire Realm, ousting the Phelyons and their evil regime. This is common knowledge, and their story … More The Ward & the Bone: 7
How the World Should Work 