Sincerely Signed

Listen, please. I must know how. I have so much to say right now. My mind is tearing me from Thou and begging me to disavow. Is this something I should allow? I need to know right here, and now. I’ve every reason not to fall yet here I stand before and bow.

Why won’t you sit and talk with me? Why won’t you show yourself to me? I question how this came to be and I need answers, desperately.

Nights are always worse than day. There is nowhere to get away. Trapped inside these shades of gray, tormented by the things I pray.

There is no stopping damage done. Not with a book, nor with a gun. Painful thoughts each way I look, and painful mem’ries, every one.

Don’t abandon me, my friend. I can’t go through this hurt again. Don’t tell me it’s not if, but when.

Sincerely signed, with heartbreak’s pen.

My Idols

My closest friends, they’re here, I know

Em, and Fitz, and Frost, and Poe

They do not sit and dine with me

They reside in my mind, you see

 

We write, we wonder, work and play

We converse every single day

Whispers in the wind and skies

The glint that’s deep inside my eyes

 

Sharing thoughts we think at night

While embers are our only light

A pipe rests by the candlestick

As all that’s heard is the clock tick

 

I never thought I’d weather storms where rhythm changes with the chords

But thankfully these friends with me have given me the strongest boards

 

We built a ship, we hung a mast

I brought them here from long since past

They guide me through the thick and fog

This boat they built with hist’rys log

 

We know our worth, our every lot

Though those we know today do not

Words will drift into the sky

Until they’re read after we die

 

And that’s the way, as poets go

To answer why, I do not know

Sometimes I think the world won’t want

To let someone increase their font

 

And so we wait until they’re gone

And then we auction art they’re on

Using their name, like we knew

This whole time they were genius, too

 

But if the real reason, you ask

I’ll tell you, look at that there flask

These people never cared, its true

They waited, so they could sell you

 

I tell you now, I know the game

And I will not fall to its name

I will break through and I will claim

The thing that we all sought, not fame

 

That might surprise you, but it shan’t

For I shall do what others can’t

Yet now it remains mystery

But pay mind to your history

 

Forces flee when moves are made

And there is not one barricade

That can stop what is to come

For starts have started, what’s done is done

 

Paths are set, the time is near

And when you think we’ve disappeared

Hold your helm, these waters wave

Consuming every nook and cave

 

There are those who sit behind

Just idling, and buying time

Knowing that what’s next is ours

When we topple all the powers

 

Rome was risen, not in a day

But mold the minds of us, I say

We will conquer, we will shout

Knowing what life’s all about

 

Your King is down, his mate I checked

While thinking of what world comes next

Simply giving answers to

The questions asked of me and you

 

Love thy neighbor, it’s not hard

Even if your past is scarred

Accept the things that we all do

I forgive me. Now forgive you.

 

Life is not who’s better than

Life is cherished, when we can

Look deeply in your soul tonight

And ask yourself, do I live right?

Behind These Eyes

Write it down, what it may be. Just tell me what you want from me. I gave my heart, I give my soul. So why am I left with this hole?

Is this what I have fought and earned, or is it that I haven’t learned? Is this nightmare what I dreamed, this love that’s not how it all seemed?

My eyes, they’re clouded by these veils. I ask, were they just fairy tales? Stories written just to keep the tears from falling as we weep

I wish that I could just believe that love is there within my reach. So why do I continue to keep asking Him what I should do?

There’s sadness in these eyes of mine. I ask, so often, for a sign. A thing that I can hold at last – to look ahead, not at the past

I know she’d say, my mother, Liz, “She’s out there son, I know she is. She might be half a world away, or maybe you know her today.”

I cannot play this modern game, to find someone and share a name. I long for love I know won’t end. I long for love…my one true friend.

Diary of a Philosopher: 1

The future is funny, don’t you think?

Not in a literal sense, I mean. I’m just saying that in general. After all, no one really knows what’s going to happen before it happens, right? Sure, we can try and predict things…but after it’s all said and done, it will always be fate who decides how the cookie crumbles. All we can do is try and convince the cookie that it should crumble the way we want it to.

“Control the controllable,” that’s what Gram used to say.

Oh, Gram. How dearly do I envy the world you lived in. A time before all this hustle and bustle. When all that folks cared about was whether or not the family they were raising had enough grain for the season and if the sow in the barn was ripe for eatin’, having tended to its old life’s last litter. The stories you tell make my mind wander every which way, wondering if I’ll ever get to live in a world like that.

It’s kind of disheartening, you know? To spend almost every waking moment trying to figure out what bills have been paid and which ones haven’t, and whether or not I’m going to have some collector call me about something I forgot to pay fifteen thousand years ago. I exaggerate, of course, but I know you know what I mean.

I just wish we could redo it all. Start from the ground up, no? Craft a world where people actually care about stuff they should care about, rather than all this mumbo jumbo we’ve been trained to value. It’s sad, really. It’s like we somehow just let the bad guys win, watching our kids and peers from the sidelines as they’re taught that the type of logo on someone’s shirt somehow determines the quality of person they are. I just don’t get how we made it here. And I even more don’t get how it happened right in front of our eyes, but somehow still managed to become the commonly accepted way of conducting oneself. Why do we constantly judge each other based upon these things? Ugh. I digress.

But it makes me wonder…does it even matter who we are? Good or bad, I mean. Because I won’t lie to you, trusted journal…it definitely seems like no one really cares what type of person you are, as long as you have the ability to give people stuff that they otherwise wouldn’t be able to acquire.

So what is it? What actually is the meaning that we all desperately search for? Are we all just supposed to fall in line, accepting the fact that a persons monetary value is directly correlated with their intrinsic value?

Personally, I want to say no. But sometimes this world makes me think otherwise.

Sometimes, I’ll lay down on my back porch, just looking at the stars. I used to try and count them, but I eventually realized that it didn’t matter how many of them there were. All that matters is that they’re up there, looking back down at me, and that someone, somewhere, is probably asking themselves that same question. You know…in some kind of alien language.

What makes a person a “good” person?

And that’s just it, isn’t it? Aren’t we supposed to try and figure this stuff out? Or are we supposed to just skirt by in life, blissfully ignorant to the grander question of what defines us?

I don’t know. Really…I don’t. Maybe there’s no right answer to that, and that this finite life should just be appreciated for what it is. Perhaps the irony is in worrying about it, because all it does is (most likely) shorten our time here.

Stress is a real problem, indeed.

Communicate

Ravens speak darkness while Frost speaks of snow

But tormented minds share a likeness, you know

Rather than rhythm repeating tempo

I’ll ink what I think as the rules I let go

Words are not wisdom they’re just thoughts that we think

And letters are naught but concepts that you shrink

Shrink into something that conveys a wink

Or some other thing that makes minds start to sync

Language, invented, is a thing that as we

Have all come together and seem to agree

That “this” can mean “that” and that “him” can mean “he”

Or “she” could mean “you” and the person you’ll be

All that we know was created by one

One single person who first said “I’m done”

Done with the guessing, who said “It’s begun,

Beginning today, ‘tis where we are from”

Their tribe founded reason, and logic, indeed

From then to forever, these words we now heed

And so twas’ the birth of this language we read

To finally find all these words that we need

If letters and numbers, or words din’t exist

Then chaos would still reign so high in our midst

Alas, we can speak now, our lips have been kissed

If not for this language, our thoughts would be missed

Checkmate

I do not claim to be the best

I compete not with all the rest

The things I write are not for fun

It’s to unload this loaded gun

As tensions rise, so do our acts

And if you look at all the facts

You’ll see that nothing ever changed

That things were simply rearranged

The problems that we face today

Are all as old as seers say

It isn’t you, it isn’t me

It’s that we’ll always disagree

Tis’ the issue that we face

And if we ever found a space

Which let us mend our broken bond

A place where we can correspond

Perhaps I’d get it, and you would too

That pointing fingers, saying “you”

Does not contribute anything

But wasted words held on a string

A string that’s frayed, and so decayed

It hardly holds this day and age

So cease the fighting, calling names

Do not be pawns in twisted games

The Lannister

Hello dear you love me yes, I hear your heart, it’s thirst

Come close to me but let me see, some things I must say first

This is that which I would think I prob’ly need to mention

You’ll see my pen is out of ink but I still draw attention

A lion isn’t lonely long, it can’t help but call the crowd

I hope you don’t mind noises, ma’am, because these halls will grow quite loud

All these women, all these men, they flock when banners seen

And if you’re kind then you might find that my reaction’s mean

For when you’re me you just can’t seem to find a quiet place

Sometimes I wish that I could disappear without a trace

I’d love to take you to a time when surname mattered naught

Yet sadly I surmise to say that such a time, ’tis not

So if you’re sure and you are pure, I welcome you to this

For there are toys that we enjoy and ma’am…you are my sis’

Dog Breath

What do you do when you’re faced with a curse?

A fate that is worse than your death?

A thing that can just be described as the worst

A thing that is Baxter’s dog breath?

I usually let him jump onto my lap

It’s not a big deal, normally

But when I wake up after taking a nap

He tends to come walk over me

He’ll stand on my chest and look into my eye

As if to say “time to get up”

And then he will yawn and make me want to die

As I gag and say “close your mouth, pup”

It’s really not funny, because when he yawns

It’s like he’s exhaling his guts

His breath smells like what he ate from dusk to dawn

And what’s more, he’ll stand on my nuts

So I must say, as I lie here today

Typing and scribbling words

Buy a dog bed, so when you hit the hay

You’ll wake up, and only hear birds

The Actor

A twisted tale of truth he hid, as lying’s what he always did

Fleeing from the fear his bedroom mirror might make

He never judged the things he’d do, but if the same was done by you

His fingers would be first to point out every mistake

 

No thought for who he really was, and just like this world always does

The lies were the one thing that did him in

He had a picture in his head, and no one ever really said

That he should maybe stop and look within

 

So the tales grew bigger, and, supporting his false life’s grandstand

It wasn’t long until he wished he’d quit

For someone came along, you see, and though he tried to disagree

They ripped his mask and forced him to admit

 

They made him face the truth, at last, and when the time had come to pass

He realized just how awful he had been

And that’s how this old story goes, its theme, the world already knows

That people looking out will not look in

Life

A raindrop has one chance to fall

To land where it might fulfill all

As do dandelions sway

They, just once, will drift away

Breeze will carry, gently now

The seeds of life that they endow

No second chances, no regrets

One life is what each person gets

Do not be nervous

Feel not afraid

Destroy doubt’s wall

And barricade

Live your life as you want to

Do the things you want to do

Boldly tell the one you love

You’re meant to be and not scared of

Embrace the world as you see fit

For time, we don’t get much of it

Make the most of what you’ve got

Live and laugh and love, a lot

Soulmate

I want you to know that you aren’t all alone

I want you to know I’m here too

I want you to see all the struggles in me

And I want you to know I love you

There’s nothing at all that could push me away

Though I know it’s not easy to do

It’s not easy to shed all the walls we put up

It’s not easy to face what is true

Out of all the things that you thought I would care

I’m telling you, matter they don’t

There’s no history or torn tattered family tree

That would make me leave you, ‘cause I won’t

I want to know everything, the good and the bad

The person you actually are

I care not for feelings that truth might bring out

I care about chasing this star

All of us, love, have things we regret

Things we’d change, if only we could

But we can’t, so tonight let me say unto you

Let’s move forward, not stand where we stood

The Good Die Young

A man enters a lonely room, we’ll call him Mr. Bad

Another joins the other, Mr. Goodman, his comrade

They act and play and do the things that all the people do

And every time that Goodman wins folks’ love, Bad smiles too

“Sure it’s great, I do not hate, for Goodman is the best!”

But on the inside, Mr. Bad is beating on his chest

He writhes around until he’s found someone who hates Good too

And plots with them behind the scenes ‘cause that’s what people do

“Come here my dear, now tell me clear, why is it Good you hate?”

Bad asks the girl he found when he pretends they’re on a date

“He’s about him, he’s arrogant, it rubs me the wrong way!”

The words this little lady said what bothered her that day

“I know!” Said Bad, “The facts are had!

To tell you the whole truth

I hate him too, here’s what we’ll do,

we’ll end it in the booth”

And so it went, although Good meant, to only lend a hand

He died that day, I’m sad to say, on this election stand

And so it goes, as we all know, that’s how these things play out

When jealousy, toxicity, takes hold and causes doubt

So if I may, let me please say, if you’re a Mr. Bad

Take my advice: change your life, or you will wish you had.

Hard to Say

What is this new sensation that has taken hold of me?

Never has it been so hard to say the things I mean

It’s so confusing feeling all this vulnerability

I hate it so but you should know you’ve set my caged heart free

These chains locking the old me are something now I know I need

Forgetting how to feel made me someone I don’t want to be

You told me that I’m distant and you said I’m hard to read

Please forgive me, I admit my greatest flaw is that I’m me

All of that is changing, though the words are hard to say

And you’ve made me understand I need to get out my own way

Every time we speak is the best highlight of the day

Meeting you has blued skies that so long were dark and gray

How dearly do I hope these words make sense, because they’re true

If you ever walked away I can’t imagine what’d I’d do

These feelings broke the wall I built, the man you’ve made me is so new

You deserve to know how much you mean, that I’m so thankful that I met you

Times Past

Twenty-twenty, ‘tis said to be

Yet now, so clearly do I see

Hindsight views such times, now lost

To go back I’d pay any cost

Things I wish I’d done, or said

To those who’ve drifted, or lie dead

I wish, so dearly, for the chance

To change what’s now my circumstance

So much sorrow

So much regret

No more tomorrow

They’re gone, and yet

All that’s left to do is clear

I cannot dwell on yesteryear

My choices give no other choice

I’m left with nothing, but my voice

So now I speak the best I can

I try so others understand

What matters can’t be weighed in gold

Its finding those who’s hand you hold

When I’m Gone

It saddens me that people are

So short-sighted, they don’t see far

And that these words will not be read

Until I live no more, lay dead

It is the truth, I do not care

What you might think, you’re unaware

Just what these things I say right now

Might truly mean, and yet somehow

You live inside your same old box

And if the truth stops by and knocks

You plug your ears, say it’s not so

Pretend it’s not there, even though

Late at night, all that remains

Is blood that flows inside your veins

You can’t escape that which is true

That greed and envy consume you

‘Tis why so many are not read

Until they lie alone, and dead

Mentors of me, they say it’s so

Their names are Edgar, and Van Gogh

Within

I am not who I was before

The man ‘twas me I so deplore

He’s hanging, cuffed, and sins no more

Locked deep behind my closet door

In darkness he now dwells, alone

His mem’ry cuts straight to the bone

It weighs me down like rock and stone

And hates that I’ve, at last, outgrown

People change, I can attest

All my wrongs I have confessed

If hatred can’t forgive, lay rest

Your mind is but infant, at best

Perfection does not dwell in thee

Forever, it’s an absentee

Look in the mirror and you’ll see

No better you are that, than me

Persevere

I care not for opinions, the things I say are true

My conscience guides and truth resides

in action, not with you

If you must talk then walk the walk, because otherwise

You’re all the same, the fact remains, you’re jealous and unwise

Weakness fosters hate for those who climb above the rest

They try to drown and put you down because they are depressed

Hate is part of this old game, it hasn’t changed at all

It’s been played since the first day that humans learned to crawl

Care not for those who bet you’ll fail, because they are the worst

And even though they think it so, don’t ever lose your thirst

Success will come to those who wait, for patience is virtue

The only ones who’ve seen it done are those who know it’s true

Necessary

NECESSARY

I think I’ll write a poem that speaks epic truth, tonight
It doesn’t matter if you tend to lean left or lean right
Politics aren’t helping us, the gap is greater in-between
We need to stop fixating on whose King or who is Queen

We need to shift the focus to what matters, that’s for real
We need to stop the spinning and start breaking culture’s wheel
Martin wasn’t joking when he wrote that brilliant line
The story’s great, sure, but a grander message lies behind

Nothing’s stronger than a thread that’s woven one and all
But if you try to weave it on your own you’ll sadly fall
History has proven this, it’s not news to anyone
The ink in this here pen I wield weighs more than your big gun

Every life we live is shaped by minds that can run free
And if we came together just imagine what could be
Forgiveness, empathy, this is what we need
And we ever grasp these things our whole planet will be freed

Fire doesn’t put out fire, its ego you should bury
Someone had to say it, right? These words are necessary.

One Day

Listen, can you hear it?

Such beauty, violin

It’s strings are humming softly

To remind us where we’ve been

Such time it took to get here

So far, the journey seemed

So quick were we to make it

We’ve forgotten why we dreamed

Our life was so much simpler

Our souls, they all were freed

When nothing seemed to matter

For love was all we’d need

Just how did all this happen

Where did we go astray

Is it lost forever

Or can we find our way

Such sadness sweeps, such sorrow

Alone and thinking, every night

My heart, it longs so dearly

To feel that things are right

My hope, I fear is empty

Despite how deep I yearn

To live with pain, this broken

Is something I can’t learn

I wish this world was kinder

I wish we could all live

I wish we’d act as equals

I wish that we’d forgive

We lost our love, compassion

Somewhere along the way

Yet hope will live in my heart

To find ourselves, one day

Nurture

Such sorrow do I feel

For those who never knew

My heart aches for the lost, unloved

And pain that they’ve been through

I’ve tasted life when sour

I’ve sampled it when sweet

True happiness, I tell you

Is who we love and meet

Let not the things around you

Cloud judgment, nor your sight

For life is meant for living

Do not waste it, do not fight

Dance when strings are playing

Kiss under mistletoe

Take this world by hand

And don’t ever let it go

Live with limits, never

Be generous, and love

Do not hold back anything

We know not what’s above

Such sorrow do I feel

For those who never knew

A heart that warms and comforts

Whose love was meant, for you