What do you do when you’re faced with a curse? A fate that is worse than your death? A thing that can just be described as the worst A thing that is Baxter’s dog breath? I usually let him jump onto my lap It’s not a big deal, normally But when I wake up after … More Dog Breath
If you were to ask “What’s he good at now, Matt?” I would tell you that there is one thing If you were to ask “Does it make him look fat?” I would say “Really? Just look at the thing.” For of all of the things we can do in this world He basically cares … More Sleepster
Okay, dog, I love you bro But there are some things you must know So please don’t take this the wrong way They’re just some things I have to say Please stop yawning in my face Your breath is worse than cans of mace It’s so bad that I bet somehow One day you’ll singe … More Okay, Dog
“Bites of the Round Bowl!! Please, lend me your ears.” Standing valiantly on the balcony of Cage Spamalot’s Keep, Grr Barker tells the entire Realm of the quest he will embark on, with no puns intended. “Realm!” He shouts, “I shall commission my bravest, most chivalrous Bites to accompany me on this epic quest! We … More The Ward & the Bone: 13
“Grr Barker, you’re up early.” Trotting aimlessly through the hedge maze outside of Cage Spamalot, Master Squirrelin spots the new King on a morning stroll. “Aye, Master. I found it difficult to slumber this morning. I am used to my princely duties, but now that I have inherited the Bone, I find that the responsibilities … More The Ward & the Bone: 12
“Barker? He is King now?” Far to the East, Corgin Le Fey and her minions discuss the new events that have transpired throughout the Realm. “Yes, madam,” a rat-servant screetches, “there has been much change occurring throughout the lands. Grr Barker has ascended to the Bone, and now rules with his Bites of the Round … More The Ward & the Bone: 11
“LONG LIVE THE KING!” The Transition has come, and the night of festivities to celebrate Grr Barker’s ascension to the Bone is at hand. “At last, he is King!” Drunkenly swaying through a tavern full of the finest bitches, Grr Sleepsalot wafts his bowl of ale in the air. “To Grr Barker!!” He shouts as … More The Ward & the Bone: 10
The day after the sudden passing of Toother Mansbestfrienddragon, the Realm is on edge. The Realm was accustomed to Toother’s rule and guidance as King, but now they wait with gritted teeth in anticipation of what comes next. Who will inherit the Bone? Who will step up as the new leader of the Free Realm? … More The Ward & the Bone: 9
I sit here in silence, observing the fray They jump and they fly and they chirp and they play No notion of others, surroundings are clear They have no concern for the things that are near A troupe, all together, just having some fun Enjoying themselves now that rainfall has come A friendship? A family? … More The Bath of the Birds
The morning after Grr Barker’s cryptic meeting with The Lady of the Shake, he rises early to greet the new sun. Trotting over to the stone window overlooking his Kingdom, he squints his eyes as the light meets his emerald, green eyes. His thoughts bark the question of whether he is worthy of such a … More The Ward & the Bone: 8
How the World Should Work 