No, I’m Not Gonna Do It, But Hear Me Out


What I’m about to write is going to freak a lot of people out, but before you cast any judgements, please…just hear me out.

I want to talk about a very sensitive topic. One that has plagued my mind for the past six years of my life: death.

Yes, you heard me. I want to talk about death. Because it’s something I’ve been obsessed with since the day my mother died.

You see, I was raised in a very religious household. As far as my mother was concerned, that is. My dad never really gave off the “I have any sort of depth to my character” vibe, but my mom certainly did. In fact she was my Sunday school teacher when I was confirmed (I was raised Catholic).

Anyway, up until the point when she passed away, I never had a reason to question anything. I just sort of went through the motions, believing the stuff I was always told to believe. But when I lost her, I took a step back. Several steps back, actually.

For the first time in my life, I had a reason to ask a very, very fundamental question: “where did she go?”

As it turns out, my entire life was changed when that happened. I began to view the world in a completely different way. I began to realize that when it all comes down to it…we don’t really have a clue what happens after we die. At least, insofar as any kind of tangible evidence would suggest. Sure, we can try to accept the dogmatic views that we’re spoon fed as members of the Bible Belt (Nashville, btw). But at the end of the day, we truly don’t have any idea.

Here’s where we arrive at the point.

I really, REALLY, want to know what happens after we die.

There’s three possibilities, as far as I can tell. Actually there’s loads more, but for the sake of the normal Judeo-Christian outlook, we’ll stick to these three.

The first, of course, is what I referred to before; the dogmatic utopia. Christian doctrine would have us believe that you either go to heaven or hell. Pretty simple. I’d go on, but you all know the gist of what both entail. That’s perhaps a gross reduction of the nitty gritty, but for the sake of simplicity, let’s just agree on the broad view here.

The second, as most scientists would argue, is essentially…well, nothing. The switch is off. You no longer have the sensory organs to perceive reality as we know it, and thus you are rendered back into the precise state in which you were before you were born. That is to say, nothing. You’re simply…well, gone. No better way to describe it.

Finally, we arrive at the third possibility. The one that I, personally, prefer to bet my chips on: reincarnation. See, it all boils down to one thing, if you ask me. Consciousness. To exist is to be conscious. That’s my opinion. So if that’s the case, surely there must be some kind of energy, or otherwise inexplicable force that we’ve yet to discover (and likely never will) which fuels these bodies we all seem to inhabit. I mean let’s be honest here…it has to come from SOMEWHERE, no? And for the record, this would explain the many cases of people recalling past lives they’ve lived.

Even then, though, I still get kind of mind phucked. Because there are so many creatures on this planet, and who’s to say that we don’t come back as say…a household tsetse fly? Or an ant? Or a…well, you get the point.


Here’s the part where you might get freaked – I actually want to figure this out. And to be completely honest (yes, I know exactly how this is going to sound); I’m bored. I’m only 34, but to be one hundred percent, totally candid…I’m bored and totally jaded with this place. Human beings have failed in the most monumental of proportions when it comes to the bigger picture. We’ve invented societies that prey upon the less fortunate, and generally have no regard whatsoever for our fellow man.

We SAY we do, of course – but we all know it’s bullshit. I mean let’s be honest. There’s a very specific reason that Ashley Madison website did so well before (thank god) a handful of hackers spilled all of those beans. That reason is simple: we kind of suck. At least, we do if we’re being honest with ourselves.

And that’s just it. No one seems to want to do that. No one seems to want to be honest and open about their flaws. Which is beyond me, considering the fact that according to that dogmatic doctrine I spoke of earlier, there has literally only been one human being who has walked this planet that was perfect.

So yeah. Long story short, I really want to know what’s on the other side. And considering how much it sucks being here amongst all the BS we’ve created for ourselves…it sounds like a very appealing option.

That’s how I see it, at least.

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