A Stroll Down Facebook Avenue

Late one night, on the latest of one nights, it was obnoxiously loud on Facebook Avenue. As always. Avatar after stupid avatar was bickering and fighting, probably about Trump even though he’s late news, and nobody could get to freaking sleep. So one dude, brilliantly, said to himself:

“You know what? Fuck this. I’m out. I can’t stand this anymore.”

So he jumped out. He jumped straight out of that stupid avatar circle that used to be a square, and just started walking. He didn’t even know where he was going. He tried to bring his dog, but apparently it had barked wrong or something, and Facebook put him a cage of banishment, which is gay, but whatever. Don’t get offended. Or do. I honestly don’t care anymore.

Anyway, the dude started strolling down the blue avenue that is Facebook. It was strange at first, because all the shops and stuff used to be open all the time, but apparently now Facebook just shuts everything down whenever they decide they want to. So that’s cool. Looking up to check on who might have had a kid lately, or got married, or divorced, or all the other things in life he’s completely avoided because he’s a weird recluse with social issues, he stumbles upon the avatar of one of his friends.

“Hey!” They shout down at him.

“What the hell are you doing down there?? Get back in your circle where you belong!!” 

“Shutup, ERICA!” He shouts back, slinging a retarded Spongebob GIF at her so she’ll shut her stupid trap.  


“Ha!” The dude says in triumph.

“Actually, wait. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“Yes, DUH. You know my head is harder than a diamond dipped in carbon fiber wrapped in osmium sprinkled with carbonite from Han Solo himself.”

“Phew, okay cool.”

“What are you doing down there anyway?” She asks.

“Who, me? Oh, I’m just waiting patiently for my writing to take off before I put a literal bullet in my head from how absolutely ridiculous this country has gotten. In fact, you know what?”

“Oh boy,” the avatar of some Mexican guy says.

“Here he goes again”.

“Popcorn!” Says some other stupid avatar that’s like, animated and totally dumb which the dude doesn’t even recognize.  

“Yeah, buckle up good bitches,” the dude says.

“You know what doesn’t make any sense to me at ALL? And why NO ONE is talking about it?? Why on earth are we still running 18th century software when we have fully capable, shiny new 21st century hardware at our disposal?”

“Wait, what?” The stupid anime avatar asks.

“Yeah. Why are we sitting here, literally suffering our faces off up in arms at one another as we all watch and wait on this circus of an elective to like…accomplish literally anything? Do NONE of you realize why we needed elected representatives in the first place?”

“Oh, I bet you’ll tell us,” some smug stupid friend of a friend that the dude has never even heard of says.

“Because we couldn’t fit into a freaking room together, that’s why,” the dude sarcastically says; to which the idiot thinks he’s being serious because his humor is asscheeks, responding:

“Wow. Real civil lecturer we got here, folks,” the moron says.   

“No,” the dude says.

“For those of us with IQs higher than that of a turnip, surely we can have some kind of meaningful discourse about this. Think about it. We can literally ALL talk to each other whenever the serious hell we want to. I mean we’ve become annoyingly accessible to one another at this point. Why are we letting a small handful of rich, deceitful, sociopathic, OLDDDD, control-freakish, more-often-than-not ugly AOC hmu, stupid, annoying, elitist career politicians make our decisions for us??!! Can we not at least try and TALK about overhauling this somehow? Wouldn’t that make SENSE?? SENSE!!??”

Suddenly, Facebook banned the dude for violating community standards. Probably because he had the audacity to jump out of his avatar.

The end.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s