Tag: funny

Alex Murdaugh: But Pronounced Alec Murdock Because Literally Nothing I Do Makes Any Sense Whatsoever

February 8, 2023

So what if I stole millions? Who cares I faked my death? That makes a man a psychopath? Pleb please, don’t waste your breath Just because I’m more corrupt than Kremlin KGBs Does not mean I am capable of nuking family trees Judge and jury: this I say – just take one look at me! … More Alex Murdaugh: But Pronounced Alec Murdock Because Literally Nothing I Do Makes Any Sense Whatsoever

My Pweematry

December 12, 2020

In the 10th grade my English teacher taught me very much Like how to read and write real good and grammar things and such But one thing that eluded me was how it always seemed to seem That she struggled with this word so much, she called a poem: “pweem” “What’s this” you ask? “What’s … More My Pweematry

You Mad?

March 14, 2020

A lot of people lie and say they like me when they don’t but if you think I’ll ever care I’ll tell you here and now, I won’t Spare me all the arguments and save all your complaints because caring what the haters say won’t mend my mind, it taints I’ve got nothing to conceal … More You Mad?

Baxident

August 26, 2019

I told him to sit down and wait, so I could get my shoestrings tied I told him it would be one moment until I let him outside As I look back what does he do? Decides to be a bad, bad dog I know I raised no lumberjack, but still he drops a big … More Baxident

The Lannister

July 23, 2019

Hello dear you love me yes, I hear your heart, it’s thirst Come close to me but let me see, some things I must say first This is that which I would think I prob’ly need to mention You’ll see my pen is out of ink but I still draw attention A lion isn’t lonely … More The Lannister

A Waste of Time

June 18, 2019

A Waste of Time How often do we fall for things that people say and do? How often do we wonder if the things they say are true? And when there’s doubt we call them out when stories don’t connect I wish I had a dollar for each lie that we collect What makes us … More A Waste of Time

Dog Tornado

June 12, 2019

Are those pillows to your liking? Since you’ve spread them everywhere? Are you packing to go hiking? You sure took time arranging, there I do not get it, little dude Why must you make a mess? To be frank, it’s kinda rude Can you not just chill and rest? All the blankets, all the throws … More Dog Tornado

Dog Breath

June 10, 2019

What do you do when you’re faced with a curse? A fate that is worse than your death? A thing that can just be described as the worst A thing that is Baxter’s dog breath? I usually let him jump onto my lap It’s not a big deal, normally But when I wake up after … More Dog Breath

Sleepster

May 23, 2019

If you were to ask “What’s he good at now, Matt?” I would tell you that there is one thing If you were to ask “Does it make him look fat?” I would say “Really? Just look at the thing.” For of all of the things we can do in this world He basically cares … More Sleepster

Okay, Dog

May 3, 2019

Okay, dog, I love you bro But there are some things you must know So please don’t take this the wrong way They’re just some things I have to say Please stop yawning in my face Your breath is worse than cans of mace It’s so bad that I bet somehow One day you’ll singe … More Okay, Dog

The One: First Entry

February 5, 2019

Can we be honest with ourselves for a moment? I want to talk about some things. Things like Facebook. Twitter. Instagram, perhaps. Hell, even Tinder…anything that lets people advertise who they are (or at least who they want to be) without having to concern themselves with the real world. Yeah, I know. It’s not easy … More The One: First Entry

Feelings

February 3, 2019

New to me, these feelings are I thought these thoughts all dwelled afar For years they have alluded me Now here, tonight, my soul’s set free Comparison: the theif of joy I’ve longed for this since just a boy I’ve watched, observed, the ones who love And always wished I’d rise above Such reservations I … More Feelings

No Pun Intended

October 5, 2018

I start and I end with a shower, all nude Turned on is the water, so set is the mood I put on my old socks, ever so slowly I should take them to church cause my socks are so holy But before this day starts, I must say that this chap Shall first drop … More No Pun Intended