Kneel in Reverence, For I Am A Generous Dog

I sleep over here; I sleep over there
You tell me sleep where? I really don’t care
I place paws on your mouth as I snooze on your lap
Be silent, my servant! It’s time for my nap

We both know you need me to keep yourself whole
So stop your complaining and fill my food bowl
Oh. While you’re at it, my treat jar is low
Fill that as well. Now off with you. Go!

Come now, don’t frown. These tasks are not work
They’re just a small cost for the world’s greatest perk
How lucky you are that I let you serve me
And though I should charge you – I let you for free

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I’m the boss!
You only have two legs. Ha! Sorry, your loss
My smooth silky fur, so ferociously fine
Don’t blame me for being so cute and divine

I suppose I’d be jealous if I were you, too
I’m Batman, you’re Robin. I’m cooler, its true
And don’t get me started on your lack of game
Girls save your number and type in MY name

Cuties we meet at the park say “Hello!”
“No not you, you weirdo. I meant your doggo”
I lounge and I bask as your friends all pet me
Saying “Gosh! What a sweet playful perfect puppy!”

Like I said, loyal subject, turn your frowns upside down
It’s just how things work: there can be just one crown
Be glad that your liege cares enough to console
But anyway, yeah. Sooo about that food bowl…

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