’Twas the morning ‘fore Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
…except Mrs. Clowse
“Get up you fat man!”
“You’ve a job to do!”
“These gifts need their wrapping!”
“So stop tapping ‘snooze’!”
’Twas from that point on
Old Saint Nicholas could tell
That for him, this Christmas
Would turn out to be Hell
It all started with laughing
A “Ho Ho!”, you see
But lately, employees
They’re kind of…lazy
‘Aft Ms. Clowse nagged him
To go check on the elves
He noticed that, sadly
The toys still sat on shelves
“What’s wrong with you elflings?”
Our shocked Santa did say
“My good list is waiting”
“On these toys for their play!”
“Come look! My sleigh’s empty”
“Why is it not full?”
The Head Elf then hiccuped
His eggnog cup: full
“What tha -!” Sant’ bellowed
“Are you telling me”
“That it’s time for sleighing”
“And my elves are DRINKING?!”
He looked down, just sighing
His head simply shook
“I guess it’s on me, then”
And their task, he took
Yes, right then and there
He stepped into fight
So he could deliver
Each gift on that night
Well, ‘aft a long while
Though all presents were here
’Twas still something missing…
“Where in Hell? My reindeer!”
He gasped, then he shouted
“Hey Comet and Cupid!”
“Where’d ya’ll run off to?!”
“Get over here stupid!”
He gave them a moment
And then, sure enough
Eight pranced in, complaining
“This job is too tough!”
Again Nick’s eyes rolled
Could he do it alone?
But a light then went off
And he rang Rudolph’s phone
Not long after speaking
Nine lined donning a smirk
Eight grateful Ru’s red nose
Pretty much does all the work
But yep. Santa guessed it
Cheerful moments were foiled
’Cause ‘Dolph’s reindeer engine
Had not been nose-oiled
“You have got to be kidding!!”
Mad sad Santa exclaimed
“Alright fine! Dasher, Dancer”
“I guess you take the reins”
At last, they were airborne
But it did not take long
That smart team of brain-deer
Made an “oops”, oh so wrong
A gift was delivered
To a child, somehow
Though her list read “A puppy”
She was given…a cow
As they pranced to the next house
Nick yelled loud, with inflection
“Come ON, you dumb deer!”
“Damn it – follow directions!!”
“Now Dasher, and Dancer!”
“And you! Donner and Blitzen!”
“No more whining for Rudolph!”
“Quit your bitching and LISTEN!”
His words fell on deaf deers
As the year two thou’ ‘twent one
Would be Nick’s final Christmas
He said “Screw it! I’m done.”
In life, let us learn
From Nick’s nightmarish night
Sometimes we get lost, so
Use your own nose…as light.
How the World Should Work 