Advertising (boobs) is arising I am always (puppies) recognizing Subtle messages (more boobs) in commercials And I don’t know (books) if I like it Stop trying (marshmallows) to trick me Or I’ll put you (dinosaurs) on my knee And I’ll spank you (Epstein didn’t kill himself) unmercifully The spanks will be (meerkats) so hard you’ll … More Subliminal Messages
Baxter, where’d you go? You were just here Now you’re like “no” It makes no freaking sense I thought that you were helping me with all this stuff I do How can I pay recompense? I just want you sitting here as I write these things, my dude! Please just come right back I’ll give … More Baxter, Where’d You Go?
In the 10th grade my English teacher taught me very much Like how to read and write real good and grammar things and such But one thing that eluded me was how it always seemed to seem That she struggled with this word so much, she called a poem: “pweem” “What’s this” you ask? “What’s … More My Pweematry
Twas Edgar Allan Poe, you see Who whispered “I know you know you want me” How’s that? She asked “Come on now, please” “They drip on my drip: POEtry” A mystery, his ladder’s rung None knew whereabouts Poe hung Still, secretly, bards’ gossip sung Pit pend’lums weren’t all that he swung That’s all it’d take … More Poe’s a Pimp
I hate this stupid world, and everybody in it They suck and suck and muck and muck and always seem to sin it I hate my stupid self, cause I know that I’m no different And I hate this whole dumb universe why did God have to begin it I hate this leeching dog, all … More I Hate Everything
FOUR SCORE! And seven years ago Hoover was the mover but there was Roosevelt, you know They were cool and strings were pulled Making a United States They had their fun and once ‘twas done They decided all your caps and rates Then they locked you into things they promised they could own up, right? … More The Pettysburg Address
Listen, Love: I Hate You I know you’ve been asking me to change. To spin my life, and rearrange. To shed all that of which I’ve lived, in sorrow now, a new life give’d. So many things of me you’ve asked; to test me with these things you’ve tasked. And yet I cannot help but … More Listen, Love: I Hate You
I love my penguin on a leash I take him out and he’s like “preesh” We tie our tux and prep our feet He hops and squawks and kicks the rocks with all the friendly folks we meet Just look at him, the little guy, my penguin on a leash He loves to eat his … More Penguin on a Leash
Damn, I love my dog I mean you’on even know Every thing he does amazes me He just sits and I’m like “woah” He poops outside Comes for a ride Always playin’ in the snow He barks a lot He pants when hot He follows everywhere I go Y’all can’t even understand how awesome he … More Damn, I Love My Dog
A lot of people lie and say they like me when they don’t but if you think I’ll ever care I’ll tell you here and now, I won’t Spare me all the arguments and save all your complaints because caring what the haters say won’t mend my mind, it taints I’ve got nothing to conceal … More You Mad?
How the World Should Work 