“It cannot be so!”
High atop the hills overlooking the Lenghornian Village of Servers, Cedric the Everhigh gasps as he hears news that Xavier the Unicorn’s coat has lost it’s color.
“Its true!” Wails Rachel, the Host Who Must Not Be Flirted With For Fear of Boyfriendly Retribution. “I just saw him gulping water by the oasis, his coat was completely gray!” She cries.
“This is unacceptable!” Cedric shouts as he exhales a cloud of Keep Kush, stimulating the olfactory senses of his counterpart. “Without his colors, Xavier’s urine will no longer be able to resurrect our fallen heroes! We must commission a team of scouts to regain our rainbow unicorn’s color!”
“Yes, we must!” Rachel says, nodding in agreement.
“Come, we must make the announcement.” Cedric asserts, beckoning Rachel to follow.
As the pair descend the hill and make their way into the center of the Village, Rachel begins to bang on the doors of her co-workers.
“Guys! Town Meeting! We have something we need to tell everyone!”
Wiping their eyes as they emerge from their plastic straw huts, the servers congregate in the center of the Village. Unsure of what’s going on, they group around the recently erected statue commemorating the Battle for Free Servitude – when the District Manager was sprinkled with Prairie Dust and transformed into a chocolate dessert, ushering the dawn of the New Age.
Nudging him to the front of the group, Rachel tells Cedric to share the news.
“What up folks? Big deal here.” Cedric begins. “Listen, we got a problem. Our boy has lost his colors.” He says, pointing across the grassy meadow at the plain gray unicorn peacefully sipping the water cascading from the oasis’ small waterfall. “Ain’t no idea how this shit happened, but it happened. And we need to get them back. Cause you all know what dude’s wiener water can do to those who get themselves kilt. Plus, he’s done a lot for us, so we owe it to him.”
“How could this be?!” Asks Connee the Fairy. “Xavier’s flow is the only way to bring back our departed from beyond the Veil!”
“That’s right!” Cedric exclaims. “So we need to get the colors back. Who’s down to go?” He asks, panning the group.
*Blank stares and blinking eyes as heads slowly turn toward Dustin*
“Ugh, seriously guys? Why does everyone always make me do the stuff no one else wants to do?” Asks Dustin the Frequently Undermined, as he looks at his fellow servers with disdain. “Whatever. I’ll freakin’ do it. But someone else is doing my side work tonight.”
“Great!” Brittany the Buff cheers. “But where will you begin your search?”
“I don’t know.” Dustin says. “You know, maybe I’ll start by the oak trees. Or maybe not. I don’t know. But maybe I will. You know, the oak trees probably have colors somewhere, cause like, the leaves are green, right? Green’s a color. And that’s what we need. Colors. Like the ones on the rainbow. Rainbows have all the colors. Sometimes I think it’d be cool to ski on a rainbow. And then”
“DUSTIN!” Rachel shouts.
“What?” He responds.
“Find Xavier’s colors.”
“On it.” Dustin says.
Off he rides, saddling Norman, the ever faithful steed as they gallop toward the oak trees to begin their quest. Uncertainty hovers over the horizon, for there have been whispers of a new village uprising far to the North. One thing is for sure, however: fate has much planned for our hero, Dustin the Determined.
How the World Should Work 